What do you do when your spouse does not carry 50% of the load for your marriage? There is an unspoken expectation in our country that says we each should bring 50% to the relationship – thus making 100% in total. But there is a problem with that thinking…
What happens when your husband is sick and is not able to care for himself, let alone care for you and your children? How does life under your roof change when your wife is burdened by a parenting issue and does not have the ability to remember your sexual desires? Do you resent being pushed aside when work becomes a stress for your spouse to the point that there is nothing at the end of the day for you? If your marriage is based upon a 50% / 50% agreement then you are left being the only “giver” and can quickly begin to view your marriage (and your spouse) as a problem.
Go back to your wedding vows. Do you remember what you said? Were there conditions on any of your vows? “I will do _____ as long as you do _____.” or “I will not do _____ as long as you do not do _____.” I have attended many weddings and have never heard vows with conditions. So do your part, regardless of what your spouse does.
But be very careful… you probably have strong feelings about these things. Resentment and bitterness, feelings of being unloved or disrespected, and not wanting to be taken advantage of are all very real. How you handle these emotions will be important to your marriage and will be very important to creating conditions that can help your spouse be able to look in the mirror and learn how to be a better husband or wife for you.
Commit to being 100% in your marriage.
We are here to walk this journey with you. We know the joys and pains of being married. We live in that world as well. We bring personal experience and expertise to the conversation and are ready to help. Reach out today and call for an appointment.
Robert Otto, Ph.D.