Your Mind Can Be a Troublemaker
Your mind can be a troublemaker. Mine often is. Thoughts and feelings come from many sources, such as:
How your brain is working at any given moment (which is influenced by your diet, gut health, immunity, inflammation, exposure to toxins, and sleep).
Experiences from your ancestors that have been written in your genetic code
Genetic tendencies. For example, my oldest daughter was shy when she was very young and would often hide behind my leg whenever a new person came by, while her younger sister said, “Hi, my name is Kaitlyn,” to everyone she met, and Chloe, our youngest, came out of the womb extremely verbal (12-word sentences at the age of 2), claiming, “I’m the leader; I am the boss” as a toddler
Personal experiences (conscious and unconscious) and memories
Your interpretation of the words and body gestures of your parents, siblings, friends, enemies, and acquaintances
The news, music, and social media you’re exposed to, and much more
You are not your mind. Your ability to separate from, manage, and not be a victim of your mind is essential to feeling happy. Yet it was not until I was 28 years old, starting my psychiatric residency, that I learned I was not my mind, and I did not have to believe every stupid thought that came into my awareness. I learned that my thoughts create my feelings; my feelings create my behaviors; and eventually, my behaviors create my outcomes in relationships, work, finances, and how healthy I am physically and emotionally. If I could separate myself from my thoughts and look at them dispassionately, then I could feel and act in a more consistently happy way over time.
You are not your mind. Your ability to separate from, manage, and not be a victim of your mind is essential to feeling happy.
Neuroscience Secret of Happiness: Master Your Mind
One of the 7 neuroscience secrets of happiness is to master your mind and gain psychological distance from the noise in your head. One helpful psychological distancing technique is to give your mind a name, an exercise I learned from my friend Steven C. Hayes, Ph.D., author of A Liberated Mind. This allows for separation, and you choose whether to listen to it.
I named my mind Hermie after the pet raccoon I had when I was 16 years old. I loved her, but she was a troublemaker, like my mind, and got me into hot water with my parents, siblings, and girlfriend. I often imagine Hermie holding up signs in my head with random negative thoughts, such as:
You’re an idiot.
You’re a failure.
You’re a fool.
You’ll get sued.
You’re not enough.
Others are better than you.
Knowing that I am not my mind, I can choose to ignore Hermie—metaphorically putting her in her cage. Always ask yourself whether your thoughts help you or hurt you. When Hermie is causing trouble, I often imagine petting her, playing with her, or putting the little troublemaker on her back and tickling her. I don’t have to take Hermie, or my mind, seriously. I can gain psychological distance, and so can you.
— Amen Clinics