Can You Resolve Relationship Conflicts Without Inflicting Emotional Pain?
Are you and your spouse going in circles over the same conflicts? Are you losing hope that you will ever achieve harmony in your relationship again? Have you tried couples’ therapy or are you concerned that it may cause even greater emotional pain while you and your partner unleash your deepest feelings, regrets, and grudges?
Although we all have differences, experts say that relationships tend to work when two people remain emotionally responsive to each other. Marital therapy walks the delicate line of exploring hurts without creating too many new emotional casualties in an effort to repair, heal, and strengthen that emotional connection between two people. But it doesn’t always work.
What if your seemingly hopeless marital struggles are due, in part, to brain dysfunction? Since therapists and counselors typically don’t look at the brain, it’s impossible to know with talk therapy alone. Yet there are a number of brain health issues that can and do make relationships challenging to navigate when they are unaddressed. Some of the most destructive ones to relationships include:
Anxiety
Depression
ADD/ADHD
Head trauma
Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)
Past trauma
Physical issues that affect mental health (such as Lyme disease, toxic mold, or COVID-19)
If you are at a stalemate in couples counseling with your spouse, it may be worth exploring if one or both of you have any underlying brain health issues at play in your relationship. One of the most accurate ways to find out is to get a brain scan.
Spect Imaging Reveals Brain Dysfunction
Looking at the brain can reveal biological factors that may influence a couple’s ability to get the most out of relationship therapy. One of the best ways to see how the brain is functioning is an advanced brain imaging technology called SPECT (single-photon emission computed tomography), which measures blood flow and activity in the brain. It reveals areas with healthy or abnormal blood flow as well as regions with healthy activity, too much activity, or too little activity. These brain health factors may play a hidden role in your marital conflicts. Addressing any brain disorder can help relationships improve dramatically.
Based on the Amen Clinics database of over 200,000 brain scans, our experts have recognized a connection between abnormal activity levels in certain areas of the brain and common brain health issues that negatively impact relationships. Diagnosing the brain issue and addressing it with targeted lifestyle habits can sometimes fix what even couples counseling cannot. The examples below demonstrate the impact of two highly prevalent brain health issues – anxiety and depression – and the areas of the brain associated with causing them.
Anxiety and the Basal Ganglia
Your brain’s basal ganglia are involved with integrating feelings, thoughts, and movement. When the basal ganglia are overactive, there is a tendency toward anxiety, panic, fear, and tension. This can result in decreased sexual interest due to tension in the body, and a lack of physical or emotional energy. Fear and anxiety infiltrate memories. A person with basal ganglia issues may try to avoid conflict and have people-pleasing tendencies, which leads to resentment. They can exhaust their partners with their incessant fears. Partners may feel the person with anxiety is “uptight” or always projects “doom and gloom.”
However, there are ways to calm the basal ganglia, which helps to reduce anxiety. Hypnosis, meditation, relaxation training, and taking GABA in supplement form can provide the calming influence the basal ganglia need. When the basal ganglia are functioning optimally, people tend to be calmer, more relaxed, and have a more hopeful outlook. Their bodies tend to feel good, making them freer to express their sexuality. And they’re more able to deal with conflict in an effective way and speak up for themselves so they are more of an equal partner in a relationship. Addressing the underlying issue of anxiety can provide the extra support your marriage may need.
Depression and Deep Limbic System Problems
The limbic system plays a role in setting a person’s emotional tone. When it has too much activity, an individual may have depressive symptoms, a darker outlook, and seek to distance themselves from others. A depressed person often struggles to bond with their partner and can be very quick to point out flaws, which heightens tensions. They tend not to be playful and have little interest in sex. Their low energy and lack of motivation can burden the relationship. Their partners may be bothered by their isolating tendencies and may object to their negative outlook. They find it hard to be around their depressed partner.
Yet, there are ways to soothe an overactive limbic system, including a number of effective lifestyle changes such as physical exercise, aromatherapy, and supplements like saffron that support healthy moods. When an individual’s limbic system is healthy and functioning properly, they tend to be more positive and better able to connect to their partner. They’re more likely to have bright energy and are more playful and interested in sex. Their positive attitude makes them more attractive to others. When the underlying issue of depression and an overactive limbic system is addressed, it really supports a healthy emotional connection in the marriage.
These are just a couple of examples of how correcting brain dysfunction can benefit your relationship. There are many others.
Bring Brain Health Into Marriage
As you can see, scanning your brain, and addressing potential brain health issues can resolve some factors at play in your marital conflict that traditional therapy misses—and without causing additional emotional casualty. In fact, seeing biological evidence of brain health issues can increase forgiveness and helps partners see their loved ones’ issues as medical rather than a character flaw. This can be so helpful in the relationship healing process.
— Amen Clinics