Communication

Communication is one of the biggest topics brought up by clients. All relationships involve communication; whether in work, family, or romantic relationships. We even communicate with our pets. The importance, and at times, the urgency to communicate can be confusing and difficult to navigate.  There are wonderful tools, skills, and techniques that can help us increase our ability to communicate in healthy and effective manners; however, what if there is another way to look at communication?

Tools are very important and necessary for effective communication, but it is almost impossible to remember, much less practice, healthy skills when we are angry, disappointed, or any other variety of emotions. There are times when we are so caught up in emotions that active listening is way too hard.

Perhaps there are times when the focus should be on recognizing feelings instead of the words that are said. Inherent in effective communication is the ability to listen to the feelings that are being communicated. When we hear emotions, we take a step closer to really understanding someone and potentially connecting with them on an emotional level. Feelings are what bond us. Even in stressful and traumatic environments, the true thing that connects people is the feelings associated with the situation. Experiencing the same event but having different reactions can cause distance but recognizing similar emotions create connections.

Would we respond differently to the statement, “you didn’t call me back” if we really heard, “I missed you” or “Do I matter to you?” or “Did you forget me?”

The challenge is to remain curious about what emotions are being expressed, and brave enough to respond and attend to the emotions we hear and not just the words spoken.

— Tracy Paulino, LMHC, MCAP, ICRC