How a Flexible Mindset Helps Us Respond to Challenges in Healthy Ways

Taking a pause, and asking ourselves questions allows us to take time to look at the big picture: Is there another way to look at this? How am I interpreting the situation? Should I get someone else’s perspective?

As a child, I was never very flexible; touching my toes seemed almost impossible. I envied my friends, who could naturally bend in all sorts of configurations. However, I learned with some regular stretches; I could loosen up and touch my toes. Now, as I have aged, I realize the importance of remaining flexible; it stretches the muscles and keeps them from becoming stiff.

Developing a flexible mindset, in such ever-changing times requires a similar approach, regularly exercising new ways to adapt to stressful events and unplanned circumstances. When we have a fixed mindset, we might believe we don’t have the ability or the skills to deal with the problem.

When this happens, we often lose the ability to look at the big picture and respond in a logical or creative way. To help us develop a flexible mindset that responds, as opposed to a fixed mindset that reacts, we first need to hit the pause button. 

Taking a pause is crucial for parents. A flexible mindset can make a difference in how we respond to the ever-changing challenges we face in raising our children. For example, if your child is starting to struggle in school, or perhaps begins to argue with limits set, taking a pause to think through what may be motivating the problem or behavior can give you a better perspective on how to respond. Are they struggling with frustration or fear? Do they understand what is expected of them? Are they getting enough sleep?

Hitting the pause button gives us time to figure out how to handle our emotions and mentally prepare how to handle each circumstance. Just as stretching and pausing take time for the muscles to respond, so will learning to actually hit the pause button and find flexible ways to respond to stressful, difficult, and ever-changing situations.

— Laura Super, Life Coach

Anticipating the Change We Want

How would you finish this sentence? 

Things will change after ____________.

Once life gets back to normal _________, 

I just need to wait until __________. 

These are phrases I often hear. Don’t worry. I’m not going to say that we should never look for or wait for things to change; however, there is an important balance needed in order to preserve gratitude, happiness, and growth.

My husband and I were blessed with 5 children in 5 years and to be honest, it did not always feel like a blessing. My last pregnancy was with twins and they were born at 32 weeks. (Only 10 months younger than our 3rd daughter). We also moved to a new town with no family when the twins were 6 months old. That year was a blur of sleepless nights, pampers, and a lot of fun! Don’t misunderstand; I do NOT want to repeat that year; however, there was beauty in being able to “enjoy” the chaos of 5 young kids as well as anticipate and hope for change – when life would not be full of sleepless nights and diapers.

When we wait for change, it is already happening. We are presently taking part in the change. Our attitudes, beliefs, responses, and emotions all play a role in how we are managing the constant change that is life. If I had waited for my kids to be older to enjoy them, I would have missed out on the joys of watching and participating in the myriad of changes that come with parenting young children. Please know there were days I handled the balance of living in the moment and waiting for change like a pro – true mother of the year. Then there were other days when I failed miserably and felt overwhelmed with my present circumstance. However, holding the balance of present and change can be helpful to persevere during difficult times as well as cherish precious moments.

We all need the hope that comes with anticipating the change we want; however, we must hold hope in the present while we actively live out the process of change. 

What changes are you waiting for, and how does that give you hope? How are you presently living so that you are participating in life as change happens?

— Tracy Paulino, L.M.H.C.