Does Your View of Time Affect Your Parenting?

A recent study has discovered that the way parents think about time can influence how they raise their children. The study reveals that parents who focus on the present often feel more stressed and exhibit more negative parenting behaviors. On the other hand, parents who think about the future tend to have fewer negative behaviors and are more positively involved with their kids.

The researchers aimed to investigate the connection between future-oriented thinking and parenting. Previous studies have shown that individuals who consider future consequences tend to make better choices regarding their health, money, and education. Conversely, those who focus on immediate outcomes often face negative consequences. However, until now, no one had examined how thinking about the future relates to parenting.

To explore this relationship, the researchers conducted two studies. In the first study, they developed a questionnaire to measure parents' time perspective and their parenting behavior. In the second study, they replicated the findings of the first study and included both mothers and fathers of older children.

The results showed that parents who prioritize immediate outcomes and give little thought to the future experience more stress and display more negative parenting behaviors. Conversely, parents who focus on the future exhibit fewer negative behaviors and have more positive involvement with their children. These results held true even after considering factors such as parental depression, stress, and children's behavior problems.

It's important to acknowledge that this study had some limitations. First, it could not establish cause-and-effect relationships. Additionally, it relied on parents reporting their own behavior. Further research could address these limitations and investigate the intricate connections between time perspective, parenting, and other factors like personality traits.

The findings of this study contribute to our understanding of how thinking about time relates to parenting behavior. By comprehending the influence of future-oriented thinking on parenting, researchers and society can better support parents in navigating the challenges and joys of raising children.

— Jason Beaupied, LMHC, MFT

7 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent

7 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent

Were you raised by a narcissistic parent? If you or someone you know was raised by a narcissistic parent, it can have lasting psychological impacts, but counseling can help. Good parenting requires empathy, compassion, and prioritizing the needs of your children. Narcissistic parents struggle to allow their children to develop their own identities and have their needs met. Here are some common signs of narcissistic parenting:

1. Viewing the child as a source of validation: Narcissistic parents often flaunt their children's achievements for their own validation and ignore their child's other needs.

2. Emotional reactivity and shaming: Narcissistic parents can become angry and aggressive when disappointed, and they may shame their child for expressing emotions or being critical.

3. Putting their own needs first: Narcissistic parents expect their children to make sacrifices to fulfill their desires or hobbies, disregarding their child's needs.

4. Poor boundaries: Intrusive behavior, interrupting their child's activities, asking probing questions, or making critical comments can be characteristic of narcissistic parents.

5. Playing favorites: Narcissistic parents may favor one child over others, causing discomfort, disloyalty, and an unsafe environment for the non-favored child.

6. Shifting blame: Narcissistic parents avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes and instead blame their children, often with cruel comments that can deeply affect them.

7. Expecting the child to be the caregiver: Narcissistic parents may impose the role of caretaker on their child, even at a young age, and continue to expect care and support in adulthood.

Being the victim of narcissistic parenting as a child can cause developmental trauma. This can lead to negative impacts as an adult in thoughts, emotions, and the nervous system. If you think you may be suffering from mental health challenges that could be rooted in having a narcissistic parent, counseling can help.

— Jason Beaupied, LMHC, MFT

Reference:

Durvasala, R. (2022, September 5). A psychologist shares the 7 signs of a narcissistic parent: ‘It’s a toxic way to raise your kids.’ CNBC. https://www.cnbc.com/2022/09/05/a-psychologist-shares-the-signs-of-a-narcissistic-parent-its-a-toxic-way-to-raise-your-kids.html

Good Sleep: Essential to Mental Health

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, one in three adult Americans gets less than seven hours of sleep per night. While some people can function well with less, most of us, need at least seven hours for optimal physical, mental, and emotional well-being. In addition to many physical problems that can arise from lack of sleep, depression, anxiety, and other mental health issues can increase with sleep deprivation. If you think you might be sleep-deprived, improving your sleep hygiene might help. The term sleep hygiene refers to the habits that promote good sleep. 

The 10,3,2,1 Rule

One guide for getting better sleep is the “10,3,2,1 Rule”:

• 10 hours before bed: stop drinking caffeine. The half-life of caffeine (the time it takes for your body to metabolize half of the caffeine you consume) is about six hours, so most of the caffeine is gone in 10 hours.

• 3 hours before bed: no more food or alcohol. Your body wants to slow down naturally by bedtime, so it’s best if you aren’t still actively digesting food while trying to sleep. Alcohol can make you sleepy, but it can also disrupt sleep.

• 2 hours before bed: no more work. You know that work can be stressful and mentally taxing. Giving yourself at least two hours before bed can help your brain relax.

• 1 hour before bed: no more screen time. Computer screens emit blue-shifted light, which mimics sunlight. When you stare at this kind of light in the evening, it can affect your circadian rhythms, throwing off the timing of your sleep/wake cycle. It’s best to not use computer screens in the evening, but if you do, most computers and devices have a setting that changes the nighttime screen tint from blue to yellow.

Sleep Environment

Your sleeping environment is also a key component of quality sleep. A room that is under 70 degrees is typically ideal. Even if the ambient room temperature is cool, it might still be too warm in the microclimate that is the space between your body and the covers. There are products available that cool this microclimate in various ways. Of course, a comfortable but supportive mattress and pillow are also key. A dark room also helps. Even a little light can interrupt sound sleep. Speaking of sound, many people benefit from white noise in their bedrooms. This can be the sound of an air conditioner or fan, or you could try a white noise app.

Healthy Habits for Sleep

Going to sleep and waking up at the same time every day also helps your body know when it’s time to start powering down at night. Exercise obviously has many health benefits, and sleep is one of them, as long as you avoid exercise right before bed. You can also talk to your doctor about diet and supplements that can improve sleep. Counseling, such as cognitive behavioral therapy for sleep has also been shown in studies to help people get more and better-quality sleep. 

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About the Author

I love to walk alongside people to help them build a bridge from their current challenge to a hopeful future. I combine my graduate study in theology with evidence-based therapeutic practices to encourage and equip clients to glean new skills that can benefit them for the rest of their lives.

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