Thoughtful Moment: Playing with Fire

“Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?” Proverbs 6:27 NIV

One of my favorite quotes this year is, “if you don’t want temptation to follow you, don’t act as if you’re interested.”

There are many things that could “burn” us, so why play with fire? The Bible reminds us one cannot scoop fire into our lap without getting burned… simple truth. 

Let us be aware of the fires that we might be playing with and make a conscious effort to create some distance. The sooner the better. Let us prevent something while it is still preventable. 

— Arturo Paulino, Life Coach

Hear Me Out!

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Proverbs 18:2

This past week Tracy and I worked with four couples. The main issue with each couple was aligning with their partner. Notice I didn’t say agreeing but aligning. It is possible to align, to be united, and be on the same team without agreeing. When Tracy asked our last couple, “what was your biggest takeaway from our session” the wife said, “it felt so good when he acknowledged what I said…I felt validated”. 

As basic as this might seem, it isn’t as natural as you might think. Our nature is to jump steps, be time-efficient, and dump our reasons on each other. The Bible reminds us that fools rejoice in airing their own opinions. Yes, it is foolish to repeat oneself like a broken record and to see no progress. Let us pay attention to the ways we communicate. If something isn’t working, perhaps we could try a different strategy. It is possible to align, even if we disagree. 

— Arturo Paulino and Tracy Paulino are a Certified Life Coach/LMHC team at Spanish River Counseling Center. 

Top 3 Things Couples Say in their 1st Session

Top 3 things Couples SaY in their first session

By: Arturo Paulino

Tracy and I have been seeing spouses individually for quite some time, but it wasn’t until early this year we started seeing them together, as a husband+wife team. This makes for a more cohesive treatment plan, but it also enables us to compare notes/impressions and, using our different perspectives, find tools to assist our couples. 

As we compare notes and remember commonalities between couples during their first sessions with us, there are three phrases we constantly hear time and time again:

1- “I’ve never heard that before…”: This is by far the most common. It usually comes with a soft voice mixed with disbelief.  We see it more coming from the wife, but it isn’t exclusive to her by any means. This is a key phrase because it speaks of gaps in what John Gottman calls Love Maps.  

2- “I’m tired…”: This comes evenly from both parties, 50/50.  Sometimes it comes plain like that, and other times comes with a side of choice words right after. Studies have shown couples usually show up for help six years too late.  This expression is a cry out of sheer exhaustion. 

3- “Do you see any Hope?”: If the first phrase was the most common, this is the most important. Tools and techniques are necessary. However, if the couple is running low on hope it makes the journey much much challenging to navigate. This is when it is essential to distinguish between hope IN and hope FOR. Their question is meant as ‘do you see any hope FOR our relationship?’ the short answer is yes, every relationship can be improved. However, during following sessions it’s foundational to look into where/what/who our hope is IN. Said in another way, where/what/who is the source and guarantor of our overall hope. 

Regardless of where you are coming from, here’s what we’d like you to walk away with: invest in getting to know your partner; exhaustion is an indication of trouble; and yes, yes, yes… there’s hope.

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About the Author

My name is Arturo and I am loved by God and in response to that I best serve others by adding VALUE to their lives.

Learn More About Arturo Paulino