Top 3 Things Couples Say in their 1st Session
Top 3 things Couples SaY in their first session
By: Arturo Paulino
Tracy and I have been seeing spouses individually for quite some time, but it wasn’t until early this year we started seeing them together, as a husband+wife team. This makes for a more cohesive treatment plan, but it also enables us to compare notes/impressions and, using our different perspectives, find tools to assist our couples.
As we compare notes and remember commonalities between couples during their first sessions with us, there are three phrases we constantly hear time and time again:
1- “I’ve never heard that before…”: This is by far the most common. It usually comes with a soft voice mixed with disbelief. We see it more coming from the wife, but it isn’t exclusive to her by any means. This is a key phrase because it speaks of gaps in what John Gottman calls Love Maps.
2- “I’m tired…”: This comes evenly from both parties, 50/50. Sometimes it comes plain like that, and other times comes with a side of choice words right after. Studies have shown couples usually show up for help six years too late. This expression is a cry out of sheer exhaustion.
3- “Do you see any Hope?”: If the first phrase was the most common, this is the most important. Tools and techniques are necessary. However, if the couple is running low on hope it makes the journey much much challenging to navigate. This is when it is essential to distinguish between hope IN and hope FOR. Their question is meant as ‘do you see any hope FOR our relationship?’ the short answer is yes, every relationship can be improved. However, during following sessions it’s foundational to look into where/what/who our hope is IN. Said in another way, where/what/who is the source and guarantor of our overall hope.
Regardless of where you are coming from, here’s what we’d like you to walk away with: invest in getting to know your partner; exhaustion is an indication of trouble; and yes, yes, yes… there’s hope.
About the Author
My name is Arturo and I am loved by God and in response to that I best serve others by adding VALUE to their lives.