9 Practical Ways to Diffuse Arguments With Your Spouse

1. Use “I” Statements

Leading with criticism is a surefire way to put your spouse on the defensive and decrease their willingness to engage in a meaningful discussion. Instead of blaming and pointing the finger at their behavior with “you” statements, use “I” statements and share how you are feeling, your perspective, and what you are needing.

Research shows that using “I” statements minimizes hostility and defensiveness—and leaves things open for discussion. For example, instead of saying, “You never listen to me,” say “I’m feeling unheard when I communicate with you.”

2. Be Respectful

To maintain emotional safety within our marriage, it’s critical to always be respectful, especially during an argument. It will keep things from escalating and improve your chances of resolving your conflict and repairing it. Respect is a foundational ingredient in healthy adult relationships. It is the opposite of contempt. You can feel angry, disagree, and even dislike your partner and still treat them with respect.

3. When Things Get Heated, Pause

When an argument spontaneously erupts and your emotions start running high, take a break until you gain composure and can discuss an issue with more equanimity. If you start raising your voice, that’s a good indicator that it is time to step away. Emotional dysregulation fuels arguments.

A confrontation or argument can trigger your stress response, sending you into fight or flight mode. When that happens, all bets are off in terms of working out a disagreement. Let your spouse know you need to step away to calm down and become more rational. You may need to take 10 or 20 minutes or more. It’s possible you’ll have to table the conversation for the rest of the day.

Taking time to think allows your body to settle down. Think about what your partner shared and see if you get some perspective on what’s really going on within you. Oftentimes an argument is about something deeper.

4. Put the Brakes on Negative Communication

Avoid the negative patterns of contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling—or else you’re headed for doom. If you start using sarcasm or mean-spirited, cruel language, your spouse will likely feel belittled. Take it as an indicator that you need to go inside and figure out what is upsetting you. If you find yourself getting defensive and starting to justify yourself, your spouse will likely feel attacked, and an argument will probably escalate. Ask yourself why are you feeling defensive. If you feel compelled to shut down the conversation or leave the room, you may be stonewalling your partner to avoid conflict or hearing what they have to say. Instead of continuing with these destructive communication behaviors, pause and take a deep breath, maybe two. Choose a kinder, more respectful, and more constructive way to listen or communicate.

5. Have Empathy

Listen intently to what your spouse is saying and put yourself in their shoes. Try to gain perspective and understand their point of view. Empathy will often halt an argument because it changes its direction. You can’t argue when you get outside of yourself to understand your spouse’s distress.

At first, you may need to practice empathy by reflecting back on what your partner said and checking that you understood them accurately. Take care to understand their unique experience. Saying the words “I understand” can go a long way in promoting goodwill between you and your spouse.

6. Consider They May Be Right

Rather than combatting your spouse, take a different tack. Using the words “you may be right” can soften your spouse and even allow them to back off a bit. It takes listening to the next level as it signals you are willing to consider and be influenced by their perspective. Allowing your spouse’s feelings and needs to be considered in your decision-making and finding common ground allows you to both feel satisfied. It’s also a necessary ingredient in happy marriages, according to a study that followed 130 couples. The study found that when husbands could share power with their wives, by accepting some of their demands, it was critical for resolving conflict.

7. Own Your Part

When there’s a conflict with your spouse, take responsibility and look for the part you played in it. It’s never all one person’s fault. You may need to step away for a moment in order to do this. The simple words “I’m sorry,” sincerely expressed, can immediately stop an argument from continuing. But it has to be honest and heartfelt.

It might look like, “I have been stressed and overly sensitive lately. I feel terrible about being so critical and talking to you that way. I’m really sorry for overreacting and snapping at you.”

8. Do Not Bring Up Past Grievances

If you want to ensure an argument escalates, start bringing up past grievances—especially the ones that your partner has already expressed regret over and apologized for. Research has shown that when there’s no forgiveness, unresolved conflicts spill over into future arguments and create an unhealthy cycle. Forgiveness means that you stop punishing your spouse for former trespasses. If you refrain from bringing up the past in a current disagreement, you’ll have a better chance of resolving the conflict.

9. Don’t Take Everything Personally

We all have automatic negative thoughts (ANTs), and sometimes they can wreak havoc in our relationships. Of the thousands of thoughts, we have every day, many of them are not accurate, especially the negative ones! ANTs will spin lies about your spouse and you believe them, often without even realizing it. It’s very easy to look at your spouse’s behavior and make it a personal affront.

Question the stories you tell yourself about what your spouse is saying or doing. Ask yourself if you are certain that it is 100% true. You may have it wrong. You can get bent out of shape and start an argument when, in reality, their behavior likely has nothing to do with you.

Underlying Conditions

Of course, there are a number of brain health issues that can fuel conflict in marriages, including unresolved trauma, anxiety, depression, ADD/ADHD, and more. If you suspect a mental health condition is playing a role in your marital conflict, be sure to reach out to a professional.

— Amen Clinics

What is Speaking Life? - Part III: Through My Mate's Eyes

In my last blog, I mentioned 5 Clear Communication steps summarized as being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Focusing on the middle step is rare. It kind of dissolves between listening with haste and delaying ire. Most think it’s a nice way of saying put a clamp on it, which it does, but not just verbally but also cognitively. Stop your inner tapes while your partner is sharing, complaining, pleading, or pontificating. 

Most know it is folly to prejudge a matter, and that is what we are doing as we formulate a response before truly understanding their heart: we assume or read nonverbal cues. We focus more on us being right versus them being understood. While they expound we redound in our brains. So, I ask you how can one truly comprehend when there are two voices in our mind?

The concept of Clear Communication mitigates this process by helping the listener truly understand what they are hearing and seeing before they respond. They walk slowly into their perception of what the speaker is actually meaning versus what they are reading into their nonverbal speech (body language, tonality, countenance, movement, etc.). It helps me ask what the other person means and admits my own interpretation and feelings, versus allowing my prejudging theirs. There are 5 basic steps:

1. Give My Objective Observation: what I actually see, hear, smell, or experience: when I saw you walk out; when I heard your voice go up, or when I saw your eyebrows raise, etc.

2. Explain My Interpretation: “I understood that to mean…”, “I interpreted that to mean…”, “I believe you were saying…”, etc.

3. Confirm My Feeling: “And I felt”, “Then I had this emotion”, “And as a result, I experienced”, etc.

4. Explain My Want: “And I would like you to…”, “And my desire is for you to…”, “I would appreciate…”. etc.

5. Invite Them to Respond

I encourage the listener to repeat what they heard, then before explaining anything, own their regret for the other person’s negative experience. Why? Even if I accidentally caused hurt or confusion or frustration, do I care if they are feeling wronged? First express that regret (Note: I am not admitting that is what I just did, just that whatever occurred caused some discord and I desire to rectify it.)

Important to note: Steps 4 and 5 often are left us… a person responds with their feelings and what upsets them but never clarifies what they want or even stops to invite a response. These are significant steps. It will feel awkward but it’s better than arguing ad nauseam!

— Jeff Bercaw, MTF Intern

Contemporary Christian Marriage: Part Two

Marriages face at least three major challenges—the devaluation of marriage in society, misunderstanding about basic emotions and the fall of mankind, and lack of knowledge about basic building blocks of biblical marriage

Building Block 4: Avoid Temptation

Reversing the curse on marriage means not only leading and inviting your wife to marriage transformation and showing unconditional love, but it also requires balance by avoiding pornography and sexual imbalance. The task of avoidance can best be accomplished by adhering to the following corrective principles.

Corrective Principle #1: Avoid Behavior to Which There is No End

A common theme among men who struggle with sexual balance is an obsession with behavior that is seemingly unending. The pursuit of sexual pleasure in and of itself is an endless and ultimately deadening toil.

Practical Suggestions

Don’t click on any internet sites that involve sexual content (even if it is written content), because it will never end. Endless pursuit of sexual pleasure is no filler for a real encounter with the eternal God.

Corrective Principle #2: Fast from Sexual Stimulation

Sexual fasting involves refraining from sex, but it also has a specific purpose; to re-set your sexual thermostat and devote time to praying to God.

Practical Suggestions

Sexuality can be drab and routine if the purpose of sexuality is only a release valve. For that reason, and others, there are times to abstain from sex (and not seek sexual stimulation elsewhere). During that time, you can pray that your desire for your wife’s body will properly increase.

Corrective Principle #3: Reverse the Curse on Your Sex Life

In reversing the curse, behavior prior to the fall of man is instructive. In fact, the verse right before the fall of man, which is Genesis 2:25 says, “And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.”

Practical Suggestion

Let your wife’s body, unadorned as Eve’s before the fall, become your focus. Spend time naked in each other’s presence.

Transformative Principle #1: Keep Intimacy Simple and Sacred (K.I.S.S.)

This is not dull sexuality, but it is productive sexuality. A simple approach to sexuality often produces intense pleasure because it is not about the peripherals—it is about enjoying each other’s bodies.

Transformative Principle #2: Don’t Be So Selfish

Not approaching your wife and inviting her to engage in sexual intimacy is a common way of being selfish. Don’t let the initiation of sexual intimacy rest on her shoulders.

Transformative Principle #3: Be the Prophet, Priest, and King of Your Sex Life

A good prophet speaks the word of God. The priest seeks the holiness of his wife. The king, as the spiritual leader of the home, is the one who is the arbiter of loveliness.

Question for thought: Do you think our sexual intimacy is simple and sacred?

Building Block 5: Nurture Significance

Many people who struggle with individual problems also struggle with their sense of self. More accurately, they feel that God is not pleased with them; as a result, they tell themselves many negative untruths. This negative self-talk in turn leads to ungodly and unhappy behaviors which create negative patterns. Negative thoughts and behavior patterns then form the basis for all kinds of life problems and mental disturbances. The solution is simple and biblical.

Christ is the Answer

Christ is the solution to our self-esteem problems. Learning who we are in Christ is the key to our mental health. Realistically we are sinners. Yet, if we are believers, we are no longer under Christ’s wrath and judgment. 

The Self Esteem of Your Spouse Matters

A Christian marriage starts with the premise that Christ is the center of married life. However, over the course of time, it is not uncommon for a spouse to struggle with self-esteem issues. The marriage relationship can be the means God uses to help spouses resolve self-esteem issues.

Help Your Wife Find True Significance

Liberating your wife from the oppression of the perfect tyrant is certainly mission number one. A husband may not realize he has an important role to play in rescuing his wife from her own lies.

Assignment for Transformed Significance

Look up the following verses: Ephesians 1:7 and 2:5, 2 Corinthians 5:17, Jeremiah 31:3, and Romans 8:1, 17, and 37. What do these verses say about who we are in Christ? Discuss these findings with your spouse or write him or her a letter that lists what the Bible says about who he or she is in Christ.

Question for thought: What kind of thoughts do you speak to yourself, or does your spouse say, that reinforces the above feelings of insignificance?

Building Block 6: Deal with Anger and Depression

In terms of emotional health, God wants to redeem two particular emotions, depression and anger. The complicating factor of marriage is that more often than not, those two emotions are directed toward our spouse. Unfortunately, these emotions are often denied by some Christians, while for others, these emotions are seen as relationship failures.

Dealing with Anger

Anger and even depression get associated with sinful behavior so we tend to deny their existence. When Christians talk about these emotions, they tend to give simplistic solutions, not dealing with the fact that these emotions can have deep roots.

Dealing with Depression

Depression, because it is emotional, is often regulated to the realm of the mysterious, the superstitious, and the vaguely sinful. Medical problems and depression are things that ultimately only God can heal. All of our hard work comes to naught if God doesn’t choose to heal.

Depression versus the Weight of Sin

Some people struggle with forgiving themselves. Of course, it is God who heals and it is God who forgives, so these people need to be encouraged to stop trying to forgive themselves and see themselves as God sees them, as His beloved and precious children.

Here are some things to consider:

1. Everybody gets depressed at some point. Depression is a common problem and, in most cases, it is a passing experience

   • Not all depressions are the same and that is what makes it so confusing.

   • Bipolar depression is characterized by periods of mania (excessive activity, high energy, euphoria, or an unrealistic mood) so at times these sufferers are the opposite of depressed.

   • Major depression is characterized by negative moods and a lack of pleasure from experiences that used to be pleasurable.

   • Mild depression and chronic low-level depression are often harder to diagnose and treat. Counseling can help and medication should not be the first avenue of intervention.

   • Postpartum depression hits a new mother suddenly. Some medical conditions in men can also produce sudden depression.

   • Finally, when people face losses, they experience a type of depression known as grief.

2. From all of the above, it should be clear that one solution does not fit all. It’s complicated.

3. If you are suffering from depression, it is important to realize that getting your spouse to change will not make you feel better.

4. Lastly, keep in your mind that all depression goes in cycles, like much of God’s created world. Depression is often our body’s way of forcing us to slow down and learn about ourselves.

Question for thought: Do I come across as someone who angers easily?

— Don McCulloch, Ph.D.

Excerpts from Perfect Circle: A Husband’s Guide to the Six Tasks of a Contemporary Christian Marriage

Contemporary Christian Marriage: Part One

Marriages face at least three major challenges—the devaluation of marriage in society, misunderstanding about basic emotions and the fall of mankind, and lack of knowledge about basic building blocks of biblical marriage.

Building Block 1: Invite your wife to the Marriage of Her Dreams

It does not have to be complicated. It could be little things: Would you like to go to church on Sunday? How about we go out for coffee and just talk about whatever you want to talk about?

• Date Night

Despite rejection, God continues to pursue His beloved because He is a covenant-keeping God. A Christian husband should demonstrate, in like manner, the same kind of zealous pursuit of his beloved in the covenant of marriage.

1. Invite your wife.

Banish selfishness and think of her interests first. Find out what your wife would like to do this weekend, and invite her to do that activity with you. This will be a switch. 

2. Know your wife’s interests and act on them.

If your wife’s dream is to go on a trip to a foreign country, surprise her with tickets, or just invite her to go and do the planning together. If you do not really know your wife’s dreams, or if she cannot put them into words, invite her to a brainstorming session where she lists on paper what a dream marriage would look like.

3. Take the first step.

As husbands, we need to live by faith and trust God for transformation. This means that if initiation is unchartered territory, like Abraham leaving Ur for the desert, husbands need to take that first step in faith. 

Question for thought: Would inviting your wife to what she wants put your relationship in a better place?

Building Block 2: Show Love

“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy.” Consequently, husbands need to wake up from their slumber and become pro-active, and exhibit behaviors that demonstrate love.

• Hard Work Does Not Equal Love

Many husbands assume that enough material provision eliminates the need to contribute in other ways to their marriage.

• Love Is Not Reciprocal

Expectations run very high when couples get married. This is normal. However, if expectations do not adjust to a realistic level, unhappiness will prevail. Marriage is not a ticket to having all our needs met. 

• Love is Not Sentimentalism

Sentimentalism is the demand for constant “feelings of love”. This demand is simply unrealistic. Feelings will come and go in any marriage. Often there will be negative emotions, but love is not sentimentalism. 

• Love Has an Object

God chooses us as His people, not because we are good or worthy, but because He is a loving king. It is the same for earthly husbands. He loves his wife because he chooses to love.

• Love Is Spiritual

Spiritual love is about modeling God’s love and then responding to God’s love by loving our wife. Spiritual love is not about her, spiritual love is about God.

• Love Is Related to Gender

Not all women are lovers seeking romance, and not all men are lugs who have to be commanded to love their wives. Ultimately, men and women tend to approach love differently. 

• Love Is Symbolic

This is perhaps the most transformative statement made about love. Women tend to see certain behaviors and attitudes as symbolic. This concept is a hard one for men to wrap their heads around. 

Question for thought: Ask your wife if she thinks you are active or passive in bestowing love.

Building Block 3: Lead your Wife

So how should a Christian man define himself? The biblical answer is that a man is to be “like Christ.” Christ is our model in terms of spiritual life and practice, emotional health, and even in terms of what it means to be male.

• Promise Keepers

The Promise Keeper model views a man as a servant leader. This model is supported by biblical examples of Christ’s sacrifices for His beloved bride, the church.

• The Warrior Model

The warrior image, like the servant image, is not all there is to the picture God gives us in the Bible. Life takes on new meaning when men realize they have some exciting roles to fulfill by faith in marriage.

• Our View of God

A person’s view of man tends to follow his or her view of God. A man who views God as loving and forgiving will treat his family likewise. A correct view of God should get us closer to how a man should live.

• Prophet, Priest, and King

The roles of prophet, priest, and king have spiritual nature, so they can only be accomplished by faith. We have to trust fully in our Heavenly Father in order to fulfill these roles.

Practical Suggestions

1. Have a regular time of Bible reading.

2. Have a consistent time when you pray for yourself, your marriage, and your children.

3. Get your family to church.

Question for thought: Which marriage model is new to your mind and how would you assess it?

1. The modern “sensitive” male—the pacifist type.

2. The servant leader with an emphasis on serving both in the church and in the home.

3. The “wild-man” theory—the slightly dangerous male.

4. The prophet, priest, and king model.

— Don McCulloch, Ph.D.

Excerpts from Perfect Circle: A Husband’s Guide to the Six Tasks of a Contemporary Christian Marriage

Increasing Marital Intimacy - 6 Doors to Open for “Into-Me-See”

Each of us is in a continual state of change, whether we recognize it or not. The healthiest relationships exist between people who don’t stay the same.

Psychotherapist Esther Pearl says, “In the West today, many people are going to have experienced 2 or 3 marriages and or committed relationships. It’s just that some of us are going to do it with the same person.

The person I am married to today is a far better mate than when she walked up the aisle to meet me 28 years ago and I am grateful she is the same person. Simultaneously, I am a better husband than I was then, while still being me.

We don’t have it all figured out. We are far from perfect if that even exists. However, we are committed to growth, continually seeing and accepting the changes that are individual and collective, making room for each of us to be our authentic selves, while creating a lasting marriage.

Door 1 - Expand Your Definition of Intimacy

Intimacy is multifaceted and expressed in the ways we interact with and see our spouse through various lenses – physical, emotional, spiritual, mental, intellectual, experiential, and playful.

Make the routine into a ritual, look for the good in your mate and tell them you notice. Make the mundane meaningful. Know what mood you’re bringing into the relational space. Ask your mate if and how you support their growth, confidence, and spiritual life. Simple matters. A 20-minute edifying conversation or what the Gottman Institute calls a “six-second kiss of potential” builds intimacy in ways most will never know.

Door 2 – Love Who They Are, Not What You Want Them to Be

There is much to be learned from the uniqueness of you both. Embrace and communicate appreciation for their unique and beautiful parts. God’s blueprints are greater than your design.

“If I am I, because I am I, and you are you because you are you, then I am and you are. But if I am I because you are you and you are you because I am I, then we are not ourselves.” -Author unknown

Door 3 – More Curiosity, Less Judgment

We can change the viewing lens through which we see our mate. One way is to reframe moments of frustration and be curious about why we are so bothered.

It has been said, “what is hysterical is historical.” In other words, instead of emotionally dysregulating and reacting, I can pause, reflect on the possibility that my over-reaction may have more to do with a past hurt than the current situation instead of immediately judging. This allows for a calmer response and also for insight about myself which I may choose to share with my mate in a way that will deepen our “into-me-see” is my getting triggered due to a past hurt, a time when I experienced inadequacy or possible abandonment. Be curious, rather than reactive.

Door 4 – Little Things Matter

Small acts can lead to big love. A gratitude text in the middle of the day can be very meaningful to your mate. Remember, love looks different at different stages of life. Scheduling your busy mate’s doctor appointments or taking your mate’s car for an oil change, unless you can do it yourself!

Door 5 – Self Care

Too many of us miss the mark by only caring for others’ needs at the expense of one’s own physical, mental and spiritual, and emotional health.

The healthiest relationships exist between two people committed to caring for themselves alongside the health of the marriage. It is not selfish to care for yourself, but rather the most selfless thing you can do.

The greatest gift we give our mates is the healthiest version of ourselves.

Door 6 – Choice

Healthy space and autonomy invite us into greater intimacy and choices. Every day we are invited to choose each other. We get to choose through the changing seasons of life so that it can be the choice of a lifetime. Stay awake to the changing seasons of your life together. Learn from your mate what influences you. Offer that compliment, their uniqueness, and their lifelong growing into the one and only unique person God exclusively designed them to be.

— Dr. Brent Gray, Ph.D., Clinical Director of Spanish River Counseling Center

Dialoging as a Couple

Here’s a 10-minute exercise to leave you having the experience of being listened to, affirmed, and understood, and an opportunity to have important needs met, without risk of conflict. 

My goal was to create a positive experience for couples to build their intimacy with each other. This exercise takes 10-15 minutes and leaves each person having the experience of being listened to, affirmed, understood, and with an opportunity to have their most important needs met, without the risk of conflict. There are three components.

Component 1 – No dialogue during this component

The couple is seated face to face, knee to knee, and looking into each other’s eyes. One partner offers the other 1-3 affirmations. Try and affirm not just what they do, but who they are. We find what we look for. So, look for the good in your partner between these connecting talks. One shares and the other listens, but NO dialog. Share-listen.

Component 2 – No dialogue during this component

The same partner will share 1-3 things they have missed the mark on since the last meeting. If they believe they have not missed any mark with their partner since the last meeting, they will share 1-3 other things they wrestled with. Perhaps anger about a co-worker, impatience in traffic, fear/anxiety/depression related to an event or person since the last meeting. Again, NO dialog, only sharing. It’s hard not to be drawn to one who demonstrates humility, self-awareness, and emotional intelligence.

Component 3 – Dialogue during this component. You will clarify the need, commit or not, and empower with a “gold nugget” during this component

Lastly, the same partner will ask this question: Is there a need you have of me that would improve our relationship for you. If so, how and why would it benefit you? The ONLY dialogue is now, and it is only to validate that the need is clearly understood and how and why it is important. I suggest starting with a small need that is doable, knowable, and observable. Once both of you are confident that the need is understood, there are three options your partner has regarding your need. 

The options are:

1. Yes, I understand and want to meet your need.

2. I understand your need; I must say no for now, so I don’t set you up for pain.

3. I will think, pray and let you know in 24 hours or less.

The foolproof gold nugget of this process is:

1. If I commit to meeting your need, I want you to remind me in this way _________________________.

2. If, over time, I realize I have over-committed to being able to meet your need, I will be honest with you.

Now the other partner has his/her turn.

Exercise Summary:

1. Affirm

2. Acknowledge/Confess

3. Ask about meeting a need

4. Honestly commit to meet needs or not

5. If you commit to meeting needs, offer them a “gold nugget” to be used, should you forget.

Lastly, I suggest the couple then take a moment to hold each other, and then if time allows, the couple may schedule their week together and set the day and time to repeat this process in the next week. Some weeks there will be no need and that’s ok.

— Dr. Brent Gray, Ph.D., LMFT, LMHC, CAP

Hear Me Out!

“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions.” Proverbs 18:2

This past week Tracy and I worked with four couples. The main issue with each couple was aligning with their partner. Notice I didn’t say agreeing but aligning. It is possible to align, to be united, and be on the same team without agreeing. When Tracy asked our last couple, “what was your biggest takeaway from our session” the wife said, “it felt so good when he acknowledged what I said…I felt validated”. 

As basic as this might seem, it isn’t as natural as you might think. Our nature is to jump steps, be time-efficient, and dump our reasons on each other. The Bible reminds us that fools rejoice in airing their own opinions. Yes, it is foolish to repeat oneself like a broken record and to see no progress. Let us pay attention to the ways we communicate. If something isn’t working, perhaps we could try a different strategy. It is possible to align, even if we disagree. 

— Arturo Paulino and Tracy Paulino are a Certified Life Coach/LMHC team at Spanish River Counseling Center. 

Top 3 Things Couples Say in their 1st Session

Top 3 things Couples SaY in their first session

By: Arturo Paulino

Tracy and I have been seeing spouses individually for quite some time, but it wasn’t until early this year we started seeing them together, as a husband+wife team. This makes for a more cohesive treatment plan, but it also enables us to compare notes/impressions and, using our different perspectives, find tools to assist our couples. 

As we compare notes and remember commonalities between couples during their first sessions with us, there are three phrases we constantly hear time and time again:

1- “I’ve never heard that before…”: This is by far the most common. It usually comes with a soft voice mixed with disbelief.  We see it more coming from the wife, but it isn’t exclusive to her by any means. This is a key phrase because it speaks of gaps in what John Gottman calls Love Maps.  

2- “I’m tired…”: This comes evenly from both parties, 50/50.  Sometimes it comes plain like that, and other times comes with a side of choice words right after. Studies have shown couples usually show up for help six years too late.  This expression is a cry out of sheer exhaustion. 

3- “Do you see any Hope?”: If the first phrase was the most common, this is the most important. Tools and techniques are necessary. However, if the couple is running low on hope it makes the journey much much challenging to navigate. This is when it is essential to distinguish between hope IN and hope FOR. Their question is meant as ‘do you see any hope FOR our relationship?’ the short answer is yes, every relationship can be improved. However, during following sessions it’s foundational to look into where/what/who our hope is IN. Said in another way, where/what/who is the source and guarantor of our overall hope. 

Regardless of where you are coming from, here’s what we’d like you to walk away with: invest in getting to know your partner; exhaustion is an indication of trouble; and yes, yes, yes… there’s hope.

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About the Author

My name is Arturo and I am loved by God and in response to that I best serve others by adding VALUE to their lives.

Learn More About Arturo Paulino