An Unexpected Remedy for Loneliness

A recent study involving more than 2,300 adults in Switzerland suggests that having a purposeful life can help reduce feelings of loneliness. The study shows that fighting loneliness is about more than just socializing. The researchers found that having a sense of purpose, whether it comes from big goals or personal hobbies, can protect against loneliness.

Loneliness can have serious effects on mental and physical health, including problems with thinking ability and even early death. The study, based on surveys conducted in Switzerland, found that people who reported living purposeful lives felt less lonely, no matter how old they were.

Doing activities that give a sense of purpose often involves being around other people, like joining clubs, volunteering, or playing sports. Having social interactions like these makes a purposeful life less lonely. But even when there are no other people around, having a sense of purpose can make you feel less lonely.

The study also found that people in their 70s and older sometimes reported feeling lonelier. This shows that having a purpose is especially important at that stage of life.

In the end, the researchers say that even small things can give life meaning and purpose. What other people think about your purpose isn't as important as finding personal meaning and fulfillment.

— Jason Beaupied, LMHC, MFT

References:

Neurosience News. (2023, June 23). https://neurosciencenews.com/sense-of-purpose-loneliness-23534/

Hill, Olaru, G., & Allemand, M. (2023). Do associations between sense of purpose, social support, and loneliness differ across the adult lifespan? Psychology and Aging, 38(4), 345–355. https://doi.org/10.1037/pag0000733

The Greatest Gift this Christmas

As everyone will be on the look out for just that perfect gift to give our loved ones as we move into the season of giving, it is well to ponder where this notion of giving came from.  It started with God first giving us many gifts, the greatest of which was his Son.  In pondering this, we realize God did not give us material possessions, gold or riches, fancy clothes, or stuff.  He gave us a relationship.  He offers us relationship with himself and his Son.  That is God’s greatest gift to us. 

In keeping with God’s theme of gift giving, let us choose gifts of relationship this year and every year moving forward. I can hear you saying, “that’s not going to fly with my kid.”  And so that is why you might choose gifts that involve relationship.  Get a game or toy and do it with your child.  Buy your wife a new dress with a gift card to the movies and dinner with an invitation to a date night.  Buy your husband that new putter along with a gift certificate to tag along and be his caddy for the day.  God did not only create us for relationship; he created us “to be in” relationship with Him and each other.  So, expand your heart and your comfort zone this season with a gift of relationship.

— Carrie Ellis, LMHC

Does Your View of Time Affect Your Parenting?

A recent study has discovered that the way parents think about time can influence how they raise their children. The study reveals that parents who focus on the present often feel more stressed and exhibit more negative parenting behaviors. On the other hand, parents who think about the future tend to have fewer negative behaviors and are more positively involved with their kids.

The researchers aimed to investigate the connection between future-oriented thinking and parenting. Previous studies have shown that individuals who consider future consequences tend to make better choices regarding their health, money, and education. Conversely, those who focus on immediate outcomes often face negative consequences. However, until now, no one had examined how thinking about the future relates to parenting.

To explore this relationship, the researchers conducted two studies. In the first study, they developed a questionnaire to measure parents' time perspective and their parenting behavior. In the second study, they replicated the findings of the first study and included both mothers and fathers of older children.

The results showed that parents who prioritize immediate outcomes and give little thought to the future experience more stress and display more negative parenting behaviors. Conversely, parents who focus on the future exhibit fewer negative behaviors and have more positive involvement with their children. These results held true even after considering factors such as parental depression, stress, and children's behavior problems.

It's important to acknowledge that this study had some limitations. First, it could not establish cause-and-effect relationships. Additionally, it relied on parents reporting their own behavior. Further research could address these limitations and investigate the intricate connections between time perspective, parenting, and other factors like personality traits.

The findings of this study contribute to our understanding of how thinking about time relates to parenting behavior. By comprehending the influence of future-oriented thinking on parenting, researchers and society can better support parents in navigating the challenges and joys of raising children.

— Jason Beaupied, LMHC, MFT

7 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent

7 Signs of a Narcissistic Parent

Were you raised by a narcissistic parent? If you or someone you know was raised by a narcissistic parent, it can have lasting psychological impacts, but counseling can help. Good parenting requires empathy, compassion, and prioritizing the needs of your children. Narcissistic parents struggle to allow their children to develop their own identities and have their needs met. Here are some common signs of narcissistic parenting:

1. Viewing the child as a source of validation: Narcissistic parents often flaunt their children's achievements for their own validation and ignore their child's other needs.

2. Emotional reactivity and shaming: Narcissistic parents can become angry and aggressive when disappointed, and they may shame their child for expressing emotions or being critical.

3. Putting their own needs first: Narcissistic parents expect their children to make sacrifices to fulfill their desires or hobbies, disregarding their child's needs.

4. Poor boundaries: Intrusive behavior, interrupting their child's activities, asking probing questions, or making critical comments can be characteristic of narcissistic parents.

5. Playing favorites: Narcissistic parents may favor one child over others, causing discomfort, disloyalty, and an unsafe environment for the non-favored child.

6. Shifting blame: Narcissistic parents avoid taking responsibility for their mistakes and instead blame their children, often with cruel comments that can deeply affect them.

7. Expecting the child to be the caregiver: Narcissistic parents may impose the role of caretaker on their child, even at a young age, and continue to expect care and support in adulthood.

Being the victim of narcissistic parenting as a child can cause developmental trauma. This can lead to negative impacts as an adult in thoughts, emotions, and the nervous system. If you think you may be suffering from mental health challenges that could be rooted in having a narcissistic parent, counseling can help.

— Jason Beaupied, LMHC, MFT

Reference:

Durvasala, R. (2022, September 5). A psychologist shares the 7 signs of a narcissistic parent: ‘It’s a toxic way to raise your kids.’ CNBC. https://www.cnbc.com/2022/09/05/a-psychologist-shares-the-signs-of-a-narcissistic-parent-its-a-toxic-way-to-raise-your-kids.html

11 Factors That Raise the Risk for Addiction

Science now knows that addiction is not a moral failing, but rather a chronic brain disorder that can affect anyone. The dopamine surge and activation of the brain’s reward centers that result from an addictive substance or behavior can, with continued use, create cravings, the loss of control, and the compulsion to continue use despite consequences. These are all part of the addiction cycle. One way to avoid the cycle of addiction is to be aware of what makes you vulnerable to it. Here are 11 things that increase your risk of addiction. 

1. Getting poor sleep.

Sleep deprivation interferes with connections between your brain’s prefrontal cortex (involved in planning, judgment, and impulse control) and its limbic system (emotional centers) and reward network, according to research, which results in a greater likelihood of irrational behavior and poor judgment. According to the National Institute of Drug Abuse, poor sleep downregulates dopamine receptors, which makes people more impulsive and vulnerable to seeking the excitement drugs offer.

2. Being under the age of 25.

In adolescence and young adulthood, the brain is still developing and maturing. The brain’s prefrontal cortex (PFC)—responsible for planning, judgment, and impulse control—is not fully developed until approximately age 25. The brain matures by becoming more interconnected and more specialized. However, in young people, connections are weak among the PFC itself, as well as between the PFC and areas involved in the brain’s reward system. All of this means that young people are particularly vulnerable to drug and alcohol addiction and behavioral addictions (also called process addictions) as their ability to evaluate risk, weigh consequences, control impulses, and make smart decisions is not developed.

3. Head injuries.

When you understand that addiction starts in the brain, it makes sense that head injury can make you more vulnerable to addiction—especially if the injury compromises areas of the brain responsible for reward, judgment, and impulse control. Some research indicates that head injuries sustained in early life can damage the reward pathway networks that are characteristically underdeveloped during childhood and adolescence. A traumatic brain injury (TBI) can interrupt the ongoing maturation of these areas and predispose one to substance use disorder later in life. Another concern is that head injuries are associated with a higher incidence of mood disorders, which may make one more susceptible to addiction as a means of coping.

4. Having ADD/ADHD.

Untreated ADD/ADHD makes a number of adverse long-term conditions more likely, including a greater prevalence of substance use disorder, research has found.  In fact, one meta-analysis shows that every fifth patient suffering from substance addiction could be diagnosed with co-existing ADD/ADHD. This common condition is often associated with low activity in the PFC. The condition’s hallmark symptoms of impulsivity and poor judgment may, to some degree, explain the higher prevalence of addiction. Additionally, individuals with ADD/ADHD may turn to drugs to self-medicate. There also may be a genetic link between ADD/ADHD and the vulnerability to addiction.

5. Coronary artery surgery.

Opioid use for pain management post-coronary surgery puts individuals at higher risk for addiction. Heart surgery is also known to negatively impact brain function, which also may increase the chances of addiction. Nearly 10% of cardiac surgery patients developed new “persistent opioid use,” according to one 2020 study that involved more than 36,000 cardiac patients. Interestingly, the patients who underwent coronary artery surgery were among the most susceptible to substance use issues. A 2018 Canadian study also indicated this vulnerability in patients who underwent coronary artery surgery, finding 21.7% of patients who used opioids reported ongoing opioid use 3 months post-op. 

6. Caffeine.

Caffeine is the most consumed psychoactive drug in the world. It’s advised that caffeine consumption be limited to avoid addiction. Yet consumers love coffee, tea, and energy drinks with caffeine for their stimulating effect. Caffeine promotes alertness, concentration, and optimism. However, as with all addictive substances, more and more is needed to produce the same effect. Over time, caffeine may not provide the same level of mood and cognitive boost. As a result, some people may seek out more dangerous stimulating drugs such as amphetamines and cocaine. Young people are known to combine caffeine-laden energy drinks with stimulant drugs such as MDMA (ecstasy), research has noted.

7. Frontal lobe dementia.

People who suffer from frontal lobe dementia are at greater risk of behavioral problems such as aggression, changes in personality, irritability, apathy, lack of empathy, depression, and addiction, research has found. That’s because a characteristic of frontal lobe dementia is behavioral disinhibition, which can manifest in substance use, studies report.  In fact, researchers are now exploring how frontal lobe dementia may be linked to late-onset alcohol use disorder.

8. Medications.

When you take medications, such as opioids for pain, depressants for anxiety or sleeplessness, or stimulants for attention problems, you are at greater risk for addiction.  Medical experts advise that if these medications are not taken as directed, they can activate the brain’s reward centers, which leads to physical dependence. In fact, the Mayo Clinic warns that taking opioid medications for even “more than a few days increases your risk of long-term use, which increases your risk of addiction.”

9. Low blood sugar.

Your brain needs a steady supply of glucose to run optimally. Low blood sugar levels are associated with lower brain activity, including lower activity in the PFC. An underperforming PFC makes you vulnerable to poor decisions, lack of self-control, and impulsiveness. Indeed, research shows that self-control failures are more likely to occur when blood sugar levels are low. Self-control failure of course is a major feature of all addictions. It is well understood by medical experts that people with alcohol abuse problems tend to suffer from hypoglycemia (low blood sugar) too. In fact, one recent study made balancing blood sugar part of a treatment program for recovering alcoholics.

10. Sugar-Filled Treats.

Sugar-filled treats may seem benign if enjoyed on occasion, but in terms of the reward centers of the brain and addiction potential, the sweet white granules may be as addicting as another white powder—cocaine. Research using animal models indicates that the effects of heavy sugar consumption produce neurochemical changes in the brain that also occur with addictive drugs. When an individual consumes a sugary treat, the brain produces a large surge of dopamine—not unlike the dopamine surge triggered by heroin and cocaine, which can lead to intense sugar cravings. Researchers think that the feel-good dopamine boost might be because our bodies have adapted over time to seek out foods (such as sweets) that are high in calories to ensure survival.

11. High-carb foods.

Ultra-processed refined carbohydrates found in snack foods—such as chips, crackers, pizza, cookies, baked goods, and soft drinks—play on the same reward centers of the mind that sugar and cocaine do and are highly addictive. Indeed, a 2018 study found that high-glycemic index, and carbohydrate-rich foods are addictive and lead to obesity. When researchers at Yale University set out to track the addictive-like qualities of certain foods with the development of the Yale Food Addiction Scale, many questions about eating behavior involved the consumption of high-carbohydrate foods because they are among the most addictive.

Knowing the factors that increase vulnerability to addiction and eliminating them, when possible, can help you avoid becoming caught in the grips of addiction. If you’re in recovery, avoiding these risk factors is one of the keys to lasting healing.

— Amen Clinics

Helping Our Sons Be Masculine - “The Hero’s Journey”

There are so many tales out there of bravery in all societies. In fact, one noted sociologist, discovered that there is a myriad of sophisticated and even primitive cultures that boast similar tales of what is referred to as “The Hero’s Journey”. He found matching elements conducive to each version of these legends. Namely, the masculine hero was typically unknown. He typically was deeply motivated to save someone that was under attack or facing execution in another enemy tribe. Always, his own safety was of least importance and always braving a tortuous journey to rescue another man or a damsel in distress. These victims were not a friend to him and thus personal reward was not part of the equation. 

In most of these societies this legend was their most precious as it was used by families over many generations by the community fathers to inspire their boys to thrive. They always included basic wise and mature principles. First, to put others ahead of themselves always and know that a selfless man was preeminent in the village. Second, to build in them the humble reality that they can brave whatever danger lurks for a higher purpose of helping others, but never for fame or reward. Third, that their masculine calling was venerable and thus respected by mature men around them just by being their sons! Lastly, that this calling could not be met just by personal achievement but by the encouragement and strength of their elders together all along the way.

Whether this sociologist fully realized how these stories closely resemble the Gospel call of Christ, and included Biblical elements of vaunted masculinity, I am not sure.  I am absolutely convinced he had no idea how significant this finding would be for us today. I believe most fathers truly want their sons to be at peace with who they naturally are: males. I believe we seek best practices for our sons to realize their potential to become men. And I believe we are typically motivated naturally to help and not hinder that process. However, the presence of a community of elders to enable this journey is hard to find. Let’s look at ways that we as fathers and fellow elders can build such a cohort to raise our sons as potential heroes in our culture.

— Jeff Bercaw

Unleashing the Power of the Female Brain

It has been said that boys will be boys and girls will be girls. But what are the true differences between the two sexes when it comes to the brain? We now know the answer thanks to one of the largest functional brain-imaging studies ever done. Amen Clinics, which has built the world’s largest database of functional brain scans, compared 46,034 brain SPECT scans to identify the differences between male and female brains. The study analyzed a total of 128 regions of the brain, and in this blog, you’ll discover the main ways male and female brains work differently. These differences help us understand some of the unique strengths and vulnerabilities of the female brain and give us important clues on how to optimize it.

ANALYZING MALE AND FEMALE BRAIN SCANS

The study, which was published in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease, involved a brain imaging technology called SPECT, which looks at blood flow and activity patterns. In general, SPECT reveals 3 important
things: areas of the brain with healthy activity, too much activity, and too little activity. For the study, the researchers performed 2 sets of brain scans —one at rest and one while performing a concentration task—on 119 healthy participants as well as 26,683 patients.

Female Brains are More Active
On brain scans, female brains showed significantly more activity in many regions. Because of the increased activity, females often exhibit greater strengths in the areas of:

• Empathy

• Intuition

• Collaboration

• Self-control

• Appropriate worrying

This increased activity, however, also makes females more vulnerable to a number of mental health issues. For example, women experience and depression at twice the rate as men, and they are also twice as likely as men to struggle with anxiety. These brain differences also increase the likelihood that females will have insomnia, eating disorders, and chronic pain.

Key Differences in the Male Brain vs. Female Brain

The Amen Clinics study also found that females have stronger activity in an area of the brain called the prefrontal cortex, which is involved with planning, judgment, empathy, and self-control. Think of the prefrontal cortex as the brain’s brake. It helps keep you on track toward reaching your goals and stops you from saying or doing things you shouldn’t. When the prefrontal cortex is low in activity, which is more common in males, according to the study, people can struggle with short attention spans, distractibility, problems with impulse control, and in some cases ADD/ADHD.

When it works too hard, as it often does in women, it’s like the parking brake is always on, and you can get stuck on certain thoughts or behaviors, such as worrying or holding grudges. An area deep in the prefrontal cortex called the anterior cingulate gyrus is also more active in females. It is involved with error detection, which is why women can sometimes focus too much on what is wrong in their life—their
relationships, careers, children, weight, and so on.

Women & Serotonin

A brain-imaging study from Canada showed that the rate of serotonin synthesis in women is 52% lower compared with men. This is very important as serotonin helps calm and relax the prefrontal cortex. When serotonin levels are too low, people often struggle with the following:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• Pain syndromes

• Trouble sleeping

• Obsessive worry

• Carbohydrate cravings

Other brain-imaging research has found that females also have more connections than men between the right and left hemispheres of the brain, improving communication between analytic and intuition. There is also increased activity in the regions of the brain responsible for gut feelings and intuition. They also have more activity in the limbic or emotional and bonding areas of the brain, which may explain why women tend to be primary caretakers for children and the elderly and why they often excel at collaboration.

5 Ways to Unleash the Power of the Female Brain

Based on these differences, female brains tend to have 5 special strengths: empathy, intuition, collaboration, self-control, and a little worry.

1. Balance empathy with self-care.
   Women are doing more today than ever before, and the constant stress is stealing their health and making them sick. Women tend to make health appointments for everyone else, but not themselves. Make stress-reduction part of your daily routine and consider the supplements l-theanine, magnesium, and Holy Basil (adaptogenic herb), which can help lower stress.
   2. Tap into your Intuition.
   Those gut feelings are an important skill that keeps us alive and gives women an important edge. If you tap into it, you can get to solutions faster. To do so, pay attention to your physical sensations. Do you have a pit in your stomach? Are you getting chills? Do you have goosebumps? Tune into these signs to help guide your decisions.
   3. Boost collaboration by working to include others.
   This is why women often make great bosses. They have gifts of empathy, collaboration, and intuition and also tend to make fewer risky decisions when stressed. Create teams to help you reach your goals.

   4. Boost serotonin to enhance your moods.
   Healthy serotonin levels are associated with better moods. Your body needs the essential amino acid tryptophan in order to produce serotonin. Try adding foods that are rich in tryptophan, such as chicken, beef, turkey, salmon, pork, pumpkin seeds, and eggs.
   5. Balance worry with wellness.
   Some anxiety is good if it keeps you on track, but too much is painful. To get your nerves under control, avoid anxiety-inducing foods and try natural solutions to calm anxiety.

   Amen Clinics
   844-448-1094
   www.amenclinics.com

Who Am I?

A primary lesson I have learned through providing therapy for three decades is this: It is critical that who I’m assisting and for me as a provider to be clear about who we are before delving into the solutions being sought.

Gaining that information has been not only insightful but inspiring, and it supports our developing a clarified plan to accomplish the identified goals.

There is only one you. We need the fullness and richness of your unique personhood. From where have you come, where are you, what is your passion, why? The answers help us know each other.

One of my favorite verses encourages gaining clarity and awareness: Search me, O
God and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.

A brief list of indicators of a lack of identity:

• We may lack confidence in setting emotional and physical boundaries

• We rarely think about what is best for us or what we may want while resenting always taking care of others.

• We may feel guilty or ashamed of making choices we believe are right for us.

• We may have been valued primarily for our success and accomplishments and not for the unique person God designed us to be.

• We avoid conflict like the plague and have a hard time saying no.

• We simply lack a strong sense of who we are. No finger-pointing or blaming is necessary.

We exist in a messy world, and we’re each a little messy. However, life can be more loving, honest, fulfilling, exciting, and hopeful when we live it out of our God-designed authentic selves!

Let’s have some fun getting to know ourselves. Following is a list of questions that I encourage you to take your time answering. The answers may be just for you or something you choose to share and/or do together with a friend, spouse, group or mentor. Enjoy knowing the wonder of you!

• What are my strengths?

• What are my short-term and long-term goals?

• What matters most to me and why?

• What am I ashamed of?

• What do I do for fun?

• What activities am I interested in or willing to try?

• What am I worried about?

• What are my values?

• What do I believe in (faith, social concerns, relationships)

• Where do I feel safest?

• What or who gives me comfort?

• How do I care about others?

• If I wasn’t afraid, I would ________________________.

• My biggest accomplishment is ______________________.

• What is my happiest memory?

• What am I passionate about?

• When I am feeling down or when I am stressed, I like to _____________________________.

• What is my favorite book, movie, music, food, color, animal?

Who am I?

— Dr. Brent Gray, Clinical Director of Spanish River Counseling Center

Walk & Talk Therapy

Something magical happens from being in nature. Often times, even if it can’t be explained, it is most assuredly felt deep within. Being outside and at one with nature heals, restores, strengthens and rejuvenates with positivity. As ancient Greek physician Hippocrates wrote before his death in 375 BCE, “Nature itself is the best physician.”

It is consequently no wonder that over thousands of years, many cultures have encouraged connecting with nature. Even the Bible repeatedly describes the multitude of times that Jesus returned to the wilderness to pray and have his alone time (Luke 5:16, Mark 1:35, Matthew 14:23. Luke 9:28, just to name a few).

Research confirms the positive effect nature has on people. For instance, studies prove that some trees emit chemicals called phytoncides that have the potential to reduce stress hormones, lower blood pressure and improve immunity. Further, just living closer to green, open spaces can lower the heart rate and improve overall feelings of well-being. More recent research posits that a 90-minute walk in nature decreases negative rumination, which can thereby help alleviate anxiety and depression.

With such remarkable effects, therapists in the last several years have begun offering walk/talk sessions. What are walk/talk sessions? Well, they’re exactly as they sound. Instead of staying in an office environment and sitting in a therapy room, the therapist and client meet at a location previously agreed upon (or at the reception waiting room) and then hold a session while walking together outside on a predetermined course. The client leads the physical pace and topics of conversation.

Walk/talk therapy works well for anyone and all types of treatment. Specifically, people who love to be outdoors, exercise, or just keep their bodies moving tend to enjoy the unique sessions offered. It can be particularly effective for individuals who find traditional therapy to be stigmatizing, uncomfortable, or awkward. Movement propels people forward, both literally and figuratively. And, as therapist and client walk side by side, they are in sync, heading in the same direction while simultaneously forging a
strengthened connective bond. Creativity magically occurs and fosters in clients’ deeper ways of thinking that often facilitate breakthroughs. There is more clarity, insight, and connections that might not have been possible without the biochemical reaction from being active and outdoors.

In summary, walk/talk therapy improves emotion regulation and the ability to cope with life transitions or feeling stuck. It reduces anxiety, anger, stress, depression, and both ruminative and intrusive thoughts. A recent research study found that 71% of people who engage in a nature walk felt an almost immediate decrease in depressive-related symptoms and an increase in feeling relaxed and grounded in the moment. Clarity of thinking helps synthesize new pathways of thinking that stem from thought-stopping and a sense of centering. Author Mary Davis says it best, “A walk in nature walks the soul back home.”

— Jill Dagistino, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

6 Ways to Prevent Digital Obsession

Ever walk into a room where everyone was intently focused on their handheld devices? Have you ever had a romantic dinner ruined by a date who made it more of a priority to answer text messages rather than engage in a live conversation? Or, have you ever seen people attempting to drive while staring at their smartphone? Of course, you have…

Even though technology has improved our lives in profound ways, it has also presented a number of unique challenges. It’s clear that we’re becoming increasingly dependent on technology. But is dependency turning into obsession? And does digital obsession come with a price?

Leading cognitive neuroscientists have identified new brain disorders linked to society’s over-dependence on technology. These disorders range from separation anxiety over misplacing a device to hearing a phantom ring when no one is calling. Many of the disorders are accompanied by psychiatric issues, including ADD, anxiety, OCD and various types of psychoses. Also, the compulsive need to stay connected to the internet at all times has become a type of addiction to many people. To prevent the negative effects associated with technology-induced disorders, try these six simple steps:

Take a Tech Timeout

It’s not unusual for parents to limit their kids’ TV or tablet time, so why shouldn’t that same rule apply to adults? Establish a time when all devices will be turned off for the remainder of the evening. Not only will this provide a break from calling, texting, browsing the internet and posting content on social media, it will also afford you the opportunity to spend more quality time with friends and family as well as give you a reason to pick up that book you’ve been meaning to finish.

Note: When setting aside time for a tech timeout, be mindful of your particular situation and if you should be available to receive emergency calls.

Schedule Weekly Internet Fasts

A great way to curb the adverse effects of digital obsession is to reserve one day of the week (for maximum effect, choose a day you have off from work) for an internet fast. Rather than sitting around staring at a screen all day, spend some time working on a hobby, engaging in physical activity or enjoying the beauty of the great outdoors. You might be surprised at how many things you can do, and how much fun you can have while taking a break from the internet.

Create a Technology Free Bedroom

One of the best ways to avoid the dangers of digital dependence is to remove TVs, computers and other electronic devices from your bedroom. Creating a relaxing environment, free from the distractions of the outside world, may facilitate better sleep, increase intimacy with your partner, and reduce the amount of electromagnetic frequencies (EMF) your body absorbs. EMF radiation damages healthy cells and is known to increase the risk of cancer.

One Screen at a Time

It’s common for people to use more than one form of technology at the same time. For example, a person may browse the internet or make online purchases on a desktop computer, laptop or iPad while talking, texting or tweeting on a smartphone all while watching TV. To prevent your attention from being divided by multiple devices, follow the “one screen at a time” rule. This should aid your ability to focus while also giving your overstimulated brain some much-needed downtime.

Use Your Brain, Not Your Computer

Our reliance on our brains to remember facts and to problem solve has significantly diminished in recent decades. With the advent of Google and Siri, it has become convenient to search the internet for help even before accessing our brains for the answers. Don’t allow the internet to become a cognitive crutch.

Never Talk and Text

Technology can link people from different parts of the world in seconds. While this has opened new avenues of human connection, it frequently places a strain on our relationships with each other when used inappropriately. “Technoference” is now a word that means the interference of technology in couple relationships. One study demonstrated that Technoference lead to lower relationship and life satisfaction. Don’t sacrifice your relationship with people physically close to you. Keep phone and text conversations to a minimum when you are with other people.

Use these six tips to reduce your chances of developing a technology-based brain disorder and to live in harmony with technology rather than being controlled by it.

— Amen Clinics

The 1% Rule

Goal-setting is something most of us do on a regular basis. It’s what motivates us to push ourselves into improvement or advancement. We set out with high hopes, great intentionality, and visions of success. Thoughts center on when and then as if the two are 100% guaranteed…when I do this (whatever “this” is), then I’ll be that (whatever “that” is). “Pie in the sky” attitude.

And then, something derails us. We incur a setback. Something goes wrong. We lose our way. Becoming dejected, we quickly throw in the towel and quit because we’re off track and adopt the attitude that we’ll never achieve the end result. All our good intentions erode, making us feel inferior and hopeless.

In his book “Atomic Habits,” James Clear inspires us by telling us to continue persevering. Brilliantly describing what he labels “the 1% rule”, he stresses the importance of baby steps. His rule inspires us not to look only at the end goal, encouraging us instead to set smaller, achievable goals that, when added together, have more potential to create success. He illustrates this with the metaphor of a plane. Let’s say you’re the pilot setting out on a course from New York City to Los Angeles. You’ve set your coordinates in place and switched on the autopilot feature. Unfortunately, the navigation is off by just 1%. Crossing over Pennsylvania, you don’t realize autopilot is steering off course. You are still on track. However, by the time the plane should have reached Texas, you notice you’re inexplicably too far north and way off target. You’ll never reach Los Angeles, and more than likely will end up in Washington state if you don’t adjust. In small increments or by itself, 1% doesn’t seem like that big of a deal. The point Clear makes is that all those 1%s add up and make a huge impact.

If we heed the “Atomic Habits” rule, sticking with our goal even when we veer off track, the end result is doable. Slow and steady progression inches us right along to the point where we can hold our heads high and feel confident step by step. So, the next time you set a goal or even want to establish a new habit, give yourself grace if you falter in the slightest bit. Stay determined and reapply yourself. The reward WILL come.

— Written by Jill Dagistino, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Revitalize with Ease

In our offices and among ourselves at Spanish River Counseling Center, there is a reverberating message heard, unlike any time I can recall.

There are many variations, but the overriding theme is “I’m exhausted, I’m tired, I never feel rested and/or recovered from the stresses I have faced.” Even the suggestion of a recent article that springtime is all about growth could trigger the weary. However, most of us do carry a desire to grow, at least somewhere deep down inside.

Below I will list a few simplistic and basic ways to “grow” or rejuvenate. I like them because they are free, easy, and offer immediate benefits. Done daily, they will increase our sense of well-being, rejuvenate, renew, and allow better rest.

PLAY

You can try something new or revisit something you have let go of. I am suggesting as few as 5-10 minutes. Personal examples: connect the dots coloring book, writing a short poem, spending 5 minutes staring at the stars, sitting or walking, and observing nature in your own yard.

MINDFULNESS OR MEDITATION

Process for 1-5 minutes. Example using Box breathing:

o   deep breathe in through nostrils for 4 seconds

o   hold your breath 4 seconds

o   breath out for 4 seconds

o   hold empty breath 4 seconds

o   begin again

Try and focus on the feeling of the air entering and leaving your body. It’s ok when your mind wanders. Just bring it back to your breath. Do this for 1-3 minutes.

MOVE YOUR BODY

I gave up my costly gym membership. I go online for 15-minute HIIT workouts at home. You can walk, bike, use a stationary bike, or perhaps have free yoga classes on television in your home.

CONNECT WITH OTHERS

Whether it is a simple text of encouragement to your child or your spouse, calling a friend, or affirming yourself. Each can be done in seconds or minutes.

PRAYER

Commune with your creator. I pray before my feet hit the floor in the morning. Thanking God for sleep, trusting God for my day ahead, and acknowledging that God goes before me and prepares a way. I pray before I go to sleep, asking God to show me ways I was loving that day and ways I wasn’t. I share my love with God, and I have learned to include loving words to myself.

I believe the total of these disciplines done daily or every other day will not only restore us from what was but also prepares us for what is to come.

— Dr. Brent Gray, Clinical Director Spanish River Counseling Center

Delight in Your Child Today

Delighting in your child sends the message of preciousness and intrinsic value just as they are. Delight is not based on performance or accomplishments but rather on enjoying the experience of being with your child or watching over your child and expressing the joy of that experience.

For example, watching your child play soccer, you might say, “I really enjoyed watching you out on the field kicking the ball and playing with your friends.” Much different than “great job kicking that goal or blocking the ball.”

Try “delighting in” what you see your child doing rather than focus on performance and see how powerful “delighting in” your child can be for you both.

— Carrie Ellis

Emotions, Feelings, and Moods, Oh My

Emotions, feelings, and moods are words that we use in everyday life without pausing to wonder if they are different or interchangeable. Is there really a difference between an emotion or feeling, and isn’t a mood just how you feel? We use phrases and questions such as: ‘How are you feeling?  What are you feeling? You seem emotional. Wow, you are in a mood. You are in a good mood - a bad mood. How did that feel? Were you emotional?’ That’s a lot of questions and statements.

Having a better understanding of each word may give us clarity on how to recognize and manage our emotions, feelings, and moods. Here is a brief breakdown of each term.

Emotions, at the core, are a chemical response to our environment. Emotions do not take place just in our brain but are released and impact our whole body. This is why many people will physically feel an emotion before they are even able to acknowledge or name the emotion.

Feelings emerge when our brains begin to interpret and think about the emotion. Feelings can be felt as well as processed. How we engage with emotions is very personal and individualized, which is why people can have very different ‘feelings’ about the same event. Feelings help us pay attention to our environment and give us the opportunity to be present and connected.

Moods result in a mixture of emotions and feelings that are also influenced by our environment. For example, we can be in a bad mood if we are hungry, scared, or tired. Moods are also influenced by how we process and work through our emotions and feelings. For example, if we need to ‘push through’ a feeling, we may be in an anxious mood. Moods can last minutes, hours, days, or even longer if we do not make concrete decisions to change or attend to our mood.  

Having a better understanding of the difference between emotions, feelings, and moods hopefully will give us more choices and opportunities to engage with what is happening in our mind and body. Increasing our awareness and educating ourselves about our emotions and feelings can positively affect our moods. Pause throughout today and ask yourself what emotions you have experienced, as well as what you feel about the day and if you have noticed any mood changes.

— Tracy Paulino, Licensed Mental Health Counselor

Parent Child Interaction Therapy (PCIT)

Several play therapies for counseling children start with the goal of the therapist building a relationship with the child to create a safe place for the child to work through difficulties and heal in a healthy relationship.

In PCIT, the parent learns these skills to build a strong and healthy relationship with their child. Coaching the parent to succeed is the hallmark of PCIT and may be particularly useful to all parents, but especially children with behavioral issues. Designed for children 2 to 7, PCIT research reflects a strong bond between the parent and child and improves behavior and compliance. The principle underpinnings of PCIT aim to help parents achieve a good balance of responsiveness and nurture and clear communication, and firm boundaries. 

Struggling to manage your child’s behavior? Give us a call to see if PCIT is right for you.

— Carrie Ellis

Perception

According to Oxford Languages, perception is a way of regarding, understanding or interpreting something. Perception is like an impression. It is the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses, inevitably informing the way we think about or understand our surroundings.

Interestingly, perception flows two ways, meaning we take it in and give it out. In other words, it includes how we see something/someone and how someone sees us. Worthy of noting, there is no right or wrong perception. Perception comes from our own unique life experiences, and what we bring to the table. This means that no two people have the perfectly exact same experiences and consequential responses.

Here's a fun example of perception:

Read the following excerpt and then count the number of Fs you see.

FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...

How many do you see?  The correct answer is 6. Based on how your brain processes letters, you may initially come up with a different number. Go back and count again, slowing down to methodically absorb. Perception keeps us from processing the word “of.” Now do you see the 6? If so, you have a new and different perception.

Given the massive amounts of stimuli taken in by our senses, we only select a portion of the incoming information (just like the Fs) to organize and interpret based on our needs, interests, or expectations. We then organize and process that information into perceptions that inform our life direction and define our minds and opinions of ourselves, others, and the world surrounding us. Perceptions create emotions, which then, in turn, determine our behaviors, choices, and responses.

It is, therefore, critical to recognize the importance of being open-minded, objective, and willing to consider other points of view. When faced with challenging situations, taking a moment to examine the strengths and weaknesses of an issue is crucial to finding the best solutions and explanations. The most generally agreed-upon helpful response to disagreements, perhaps based on perception, is not to include shouting and screaming, because it will usually lead to nothing but additional problems. Sometimes, until we develop the ability to perceive broadly, it may take an objective person, one who can see different perceptions, to remind us to consider other views before finally reaching our own conclusions.

The world may often be presented as two-sided — black and white, right and wrong — with little room for objective thinking. In reality, few things are so clean-cut. Unfortunately, many people lack the initiative to recognize this so they can embrace all the possibilities that are available. Examining facts and options in a calm and objective manner is the primary way to broaden perspective and make educated choices, a useful concept for forming strong relationships, business partnerships, and sound decisions overall. The idea of understanding and acknowledging perception as a permanent priority is key to developing open-minded and well-rounded individuals.

In closing, now that you’re probably thinking about perception, what animal or animals do you see in this image? 

Do you think your experiences have shaped the image(s) you see? When you look more closely and intently, you more than likely will see both animals. Which did you see first? Hmmm…

— Jill Dagistino, Registered Mental Health Intern

Is it Really All in My Head? - Part IV

When you have anxious thoughts, they trigger symptoms of anxiety that also can be managed. What is anxiety, and how can I manage the symptoms I experience as I manage my thoughts or ANTs?

Anxiety – is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure, increased heart rate, restlessness, etc.

Your Sympathetic nervous system is activated - sympathetic activation causes an increased heart rate, the force of contraction, and the rate of conduction, allowing for increased cardiac output to supply the body with oxygenated blood. People with anxiety disorders usually have recurring intrusive thoughts or concerns.

Which of the following experiences occur when you’re feeling anxious? Read through the list and check any that apply to you:

• Pounding heart
• Rapid breathing
• Stomach distress
• Diarrhea Muscle tension
• Desire to flee or withdraw
• Perspiration Difficulty focusing
• Immobilization
• Trembling

You may wonder why it’s important that you recognize these symptoms as being connected to the fight, flight, or freeze response. A key reason is that they can be involved in a feedback loop in which they heighten anxiety.

Many people who struggle with anxiety misinterpret these reactions as an indication that something negative
is happening or going to happen. These symptoms occur because the sympathetic nervous system is activated, releasing adrenaline and causing the symptoms, which can be frightening. The sympathetic nervous system functions like a gas pedal in a car. It triggers the fight-or-flight response, providing the body with a burst of energy so that it can respond to perceived dangers. There are some techniques you can implement to activate the parasympathetic nervous system.

The parasympathetic nervous system acts like a brake. It promotes the "rest and digest" response that calms the body down after the danger has passed. There are coping mechanisms we can implement to counteract
FIGHT/FLIGHT or FREEZE!

When the parasympathetic nervous system (PSNS) is activated, it slows our heart and breathing rates, lowers blood pressure, and promotes digestion. Our body enters a state of relaxation, and this relaxation breeds recovery. We will finally share these activators to help counteract the anxious symptoms.

5 TECHNIQUES TO ACTIVATE THE PARASYMPATHETIC NERVOUS SYSTEM

1. Breathing – squared breathing
• Relax and focus on your breath as best you can.
• Breath into your stomach for 4 seconds.
• Hold your breath for 4 seconds
• Exhale evenly for 4 seconds
• Hold your empty lungs for 4 seconds
• Repeat until you feel content

2. Exercise- for 15-20 minutes; this completes the anxiety cycle.

3. Temperature - Tip the temperature of your face with cold water to calm down fast.
• Splash your face with ice water
• Zip-lock bag of cool water held over eyes and cheekbone
• Hold an ice pack on your face or the back of your neck.

4. Soft Eyes – Let your eyes physically relax. Instead of focusing on one thing, you allow that thing to be at the center of your gaze, while simultaneously taking in the largest possible expanse within your full field of vision.

• This includes peripheral vision both to the left and right, as well as above and below. By using soft eyes, you increase your awareness of everything going on around you.

This calms you down, returns your mind and body to balance, and boosts the immune system. In this relaxed state, adrenaline and other stress chemicals cannot endure.

• Other benefits of soft eyes include feeling relaxed; improved focus; relaxed facial, shoulder, and chest muscles; slow respiratory and heart rate; still mind; and reduced self-talk.

• Additionally, soft eyes contribute toward reducing the following: stress, tension/muscle tension, anxiety, panic attacks, eye strain, and tension headaches.

5. Yawning - Activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which attenuates the sympathetic nervous system, reduces stress, and lowers the risk for high blood pressure because yawning disturbs your current sympathetic tone and forces the parasympathetic nervous system to act in order to restore your body to a resting state.

Practice these techniques while learning to exterminate the ANTs (discussed in previous blogs)! While, yes, “it is all in your head,” you can manage the thoughts and anxiety symptoms.

— Tracy Lewis, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Is it Really All in My Head? - Part III

Our thoughts are often based on our personal opinion and experiences and not necessarily grounded in fact. There is also a negative bias to our thoughts when we are low or anxious. This can lead to us jumping to conclusions or thinking the worst about situations without any evidence of these thoughts being true.

When challenging negative thoughts, we need to practice collecting evidence to see how accurate the thoughts really are. Factual evidence is much stronger than opinion, as there isn’t any element of doubt.

There are 3 Steps in Exterminating ANTs:

STEP 1: Catching ANTs (Thoughts)

Start by identifying a situation that has caused you to experience a strong negative emotion.

First, write details about that situation. It might not be the situation that caused the negative thoughts or emotions, but writing down details will help you remember better what was going on.

Then write down all the different emotions and thoughts you were experiencing. For each emotion, rate how strongly you felt it, 0 (barely felt it) to 100% (very strongly experienced it). For each thought rate how much you believe it, 0 (don’t believe it at all) to 100% (very strongly believe it).

Next, try and identify the “hot thought” in the situation. This thought is often rated the highest and most likely to be the cause of the negative emotion. It will have a rating of 60% or higher and match the negative emotion.

STEP 2: Looking for the Evidence

After catching your ANTs, the next stage is to challenge the ‘Hot Thought.’

Write down the evidence for and against the hot thought. You are looking just for facts, not opinions.

Think of this a little like being a prosecution and defense counsel in a court hearing. Evidence will be given from both sides to find the truth.

HERE ARE SOME CHALLENGING QUESTIONS YOU COULD ASK:

·      What’s the evidence against this thought?

·      If my friend or someone else was having this type of thought, what would I say to them?

·      If I wasn’t anxious or low, how would I look at the situation?

·      Is there any other way of looking at the situation?

·      What is certain about this situation?

·      Am I overgeneralizing?

·      Is this situation really in my control?

·      What advice would a therapist give me regarding this situation?

·      If I believe this thought to be 80% true, what is the 20% that suggests I don’t believe the thought to be completely true?

STEP 3: Finding an Evidence-Based Alternative Thought

Finally, you need to create a new alternative thought, based on the evidence created in Stage 2. This is not about creating a positive thought, rather, it is about creating a more balanced thought which takes into consideration both sides of the evidence.

To create an evidence-based thought, write a sentence to summarize the “evidence for” and another sentence to summarize the “evidence against” the hot thought. You can use words such as ‘or,’ ‘and’ or ‘but’ to link the evidence together to create the revised (balanced) thought. i.e., I failed this one job interview but I have got several jobs in the past I have gone for.

·      Rate belief in the new revised (balanced) thought.

·      Re-rate the original emotions in light of revised (balanced) thought.

How will thought-challenging help me?  To recognize and put into perspective our negative automatic thoughts (ANTs) in order to modify/RESTRUCTURE our thinking and reduce the intensity of our emotions.

— Tracy Lewis, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Is it Really All in my Head? - Part II

Many people have recurring negative and/or intrusive thoughts which get stuck in their heads. These thoughts can contribute to promoting anxiety. When we have positive thoughts, they cause a positive response, but negative thoughts cause a negative response. These thoughts can be automatic, and unless you think about your thoughts, they; “they just happen.” But even if your thoughts just happen, they are not necessarily correct or true.

You don’t have to believe every thought that goes through your head. It’s important to think about your thoughts to see if they help you or hurt you. Unfortunately, if you never challenge your thoughts, then you just “believe them” as if they were true. Think of these negative thoughts that invade your mind like ants that bother you at a picnic. One negative thought, like one ant at a picnic, is not a big problem. Two or three negative thoughts become more irritating, like two or three ants at a picnic. Ten or twenty negative thoughts, like ten or twenty ants at a picnic, may cause you to pick up and leave. Whenever you notice these automatic negative thoughts or ANTs, you need to crush them or they’ll ruin your relationships, and your self-esteem, and be a cause for anxiety. Learning how to manage negative thoughts can help to manage your anxiety and low mood. When people feel low/anxious, their thoughts can often be extreme or unrealistic. ANTs! This type of unhelpful thinking can continue to maintain our low mood or anxiety. These are Cognitive Distortions and they can be...

Involuntary/automatic – you don’t decide to think these thoughts, but they’ve become hardwired over time and lurk and linger, controlling your moods and behavior, controlling the quality of your life. Without
deliberate awareness, you may not even realize you have them.

Irrational – the ANTs are the messengers of unhelpful thinking habits like emotional reasoning and fortune telling, and mind reading – they’re generally illogical – we aim to ask of each unhelpful thought and belief we uncover ‘where is the evidence for this?’, ‘Is there evidence against this?’, ‘Is there another way of looking at this?’ .... Until we develop new realistic evidence-based thinking in their place.

Enemies – ANTs appear to protect you from discomfort by persuading you to practice self-sabotaging behaviors ‐ for instance, avoidant behavior, avoiding something you believe is a ‘hazard or danger’ that will cause you upset and be ‘pointless’ anyway (trying new things, being proactive, a new career, opportunities, new relationships, making new friends... take your pick...), and so on . . .. They keep you hardwired for fear.
You can take control of your thinking and moods, and behaviors if you put in the work, it’s proven. Try it. Free yourself! Look at your thoughts in a more balanced and realistic way. More balanced thoughts will improve your mood and enable you to function better, which will result in enjoying your life
again.

Our next blog will discuss three steps to exterminating the ANTs.

— Tracy Lewis, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Is it Really All in My Head? - Part I

The English phrase “it is all in your head” is used quite a bit in the English language for anything that may be only in someone’s mind, or imagined. It’s one of many “body idioms” that relate abstract ideas to the physical parts of the body. When one is encountering anxiety-inducing thoughts or symptoms of anxiety, they may wonder or be told, “it’s all in your head.”  So, is it really all in your head? We will address the question later in this posting.

So many people today have negative thoughts or ways of thinking, which in the counselor’s office, we refer to them as cognitive distortions. Cognitive distortions are thought patterns that cause people to view reality in inaccurate — usually negative ways. In short, they’re habitual errors in thinking. When you’re experiencing a cognitive distortion, the way you interpret events is usually negatively biased.

Most people experience cognitive distortions from time to time. But if they’re reinforced often enough, they can increase anxiety, deepen depression, cause relationship difficulties, and lead to a host of other complications. Some common distortions are –

• Mind Reading: You assume you know what people are thinking without having evidence or proof of their thoughts.

• Future-Telling: You predict the future – that things will get worse or that there’s danger ahead.

• Catastrophizing: You believe what might happen will be so awful and unbearable that you won’t be able to stand it. “

There a variety of others that could be addressed, but by reading the aforementioned, you can see that we all encounter these (often) anxiety-inducing thoughts. Part of our work is learning to recognize them and then argue against them.

The Apostle Paul wrote to his protégé, Timothy, from prison before his death to encourage him by stating – II Timothy 1:7 – “For God did not give us a spirit of timidity (of cowardice, of craven and cringing and fawning fear), but [He has given us a spirit] of power and of love and of calm and well-balanced mind and discipline and self-control.” Amplified Bible

Paul is reminding Timothy that he doesn’t have to allow fear to rule, but learn how to discipline his thinking with calmness and balance. We can learn how to control negative thoughts as well as implement a variety of techniques to alleviate symptoms of anxiety and manage it.

So, is anxiety really all in your head? Yes, it is! In our succeeding blogs, we will discuss the brain and its influence on the person resulting in anxiety, as well as how to counter anxious thoughts and symptoms.

— Tracy Lewis, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern