Addressing Toxic Positivity

Those who have experienced clinical anxiety, depression, and/or significant trauma and loss have likely heard the well-meaning “just think happy thoughts!”, “think of all you have to be grateful for!”, or other “power of positive thinking”- type comments. I am here as a trauma-informed clinical psychologist with over 20 years of experience to tell you gently but firmly — please stop telling people this. The human experience is vast and complex and can be often heavy and intense. When someone you love is experiencing depression or otherwise feeling overwhelmed, they need patience and compassion for what they are experiencing emotionally, not dismissive, invalidating comments such as these (even though they are usually not intended to be invalidating). I will submit to you that if you find yourself wanting to tell someone “it’s not that bad” or “you’re just being dramatic”, this is actually you experiencing discomfort in response to their “negative” feelings. I respectfully challenge you to dig a little deeper – what about their experience is making you uncomfortable? Perhaps you feel helpless and do not know how to support them. Maybe you recall a time earlier in your life when you struggled with depression, anxiety, sadness, or loss and these were the types of comments you received – and if so, I am truly sorry. You deserved better. You deserved to receive the message that you are loved no matter what mood you are in or what sadness you carry.  

I have so many clients - countless, honestly – that will apologize the moment they start crying in my office.  Why do we do that?  Why do we feel we need to apologize for being human? I tell my clients they are allowed to be emotionally “messy” here. It’s okay.  In order to truly heal, we often need permission to experience the full range of our emotions within a safe environment.  And what makes a person safe?  Therapists often use the phrase “holding space” which essentially just means providing a non-judgmental room (literally or metaphorically) where people can express and explore their feelings without feeling they have to “package” it in gratitude or otherwise sugar-coat sometimes truly awful experiences. Sometimes humans get stuck in sadness or anger and yes, it is frustrating to love someone who is stuck and “always negative” – but reframe this as a privilege of sorts: The person who is sharing where they are sad and stuck trusts you enough to express themselves authentically.  You don’t have to “fix it” for them. I tell my clients, “When in doubt, reflect” – just reflect back to them how hard it must be to feel that way.   Such as “I’m so sorry you experienced that, it must be so hard for you to carry that day in and day out.” -or - “I’m here for you. I love you no matter what mood you are in.”   Often, a simple, “I can see you are struggling.  I’m here for you.  How can I help?” or “What do you need most from me today/this week?” can help the individual feel less alone and more supported.

And yes, it is also completely okay to set boundaries with loved ones who are experiencing mental health issues – this is important to protect your own peace and energy. It is completely appropriate to say something like “Hey, I can see you are struggling. I want to be able to help, but I do not have the emotional resources myself today for a phone call.  Can I call you tomorrow or next week?” Or “I care about you and I can see this is a difficult situation for you - and I am not able to hear any more about this topic today. Let’s talk tomorrow/(offer another day).” This helps prevent emotional burnout (and the usual snarky/impatient comments that can come with not protecting your own emotional space). This takes practice. It can also be an opening to gently redirect the individual toward a professional counselor who is trained to “hold space” for the emotions of struggling humans.

Here are some other helpful statements for individuals struggling with depression/anxiety/loss (adapted from @therealdepressionproject):

“I’m here for you, even when you are not feeling 100%”

“I’m proud of you.  I see how hard you are trying.”

“You don’t have to be happy all the time to be loved. I’m here for you.”

“It’s okay to be emotionally messy. We’re all human.”

“I/we love you, no matter what mental space you are in.  The good, the bad, all of it.  I am/we are here for you.”

— Shannan Cason, Psy.D.

Communication

Communication is one of the biggest topics brought up by clients. All relationships involve communication; whether in work, family, or romantic relationships. We even communicate with our pets. The importance, and at times, the urgency to communicate can be confusing and difficult to navigate.  There are wonderful tools, skills, and techniques that can help us increase our ability to communicate in healthy and effective manners; however, what if there is another way to look at communication?

Tools are very important and necessary for effective communication, but it is almost impossible to remember, much less practice, healthy skills when we are angry, disappointed, or any other variety of emotions. There are times when we are so caught up in emotions that active listening is way too hard.

Perhaps there are times when the focus should be on recognizing feelings instead of the words that are said. Inherent in effective communication is the ability to listen to the feelings that are being communicated. When we hear emotions, we take a step closer to really understanding someone and potentially connecting with them on an emotional level. Feelings are what bond us. Even in stressful and traumatic environments, the true thing that connects people is the feelings associated with the situation. Experiencing the same event but having different reactions can cause distance but recognizing similar emotions create connections.

Would we respond differently to the statement, “you didn’t call me back” if we really heard, “I missed you” or “Do I matter to you?” or “Did you forget me?”

The challenge is to remain curious about what emotions are being expressed, and brave enough to respond and attend to the emotions we hear and not just the words spoken.

— Tracy Paulino, LMHC, MCAP, ICRC

World's Toughest Race

“For me, of all the things I’ve done, running the race of recovery/transformation and becoming the man God created me to be has been my world’s toughest race. Let us all together stay the course set before us.” – Dr. Greg Miller

Over the last several months of the pandemic, I have found myself using TV to temporarily escape the change and chaos of this new reality. Recently, I discovered a show that was enjoyable and encouraging – The World’s Toughest Race. The premise: 66 international teams comprising four members gathered in Fiji to challenge themselves to 11 days of intense adventure racing. Sailing, mountain biking, paddle boarding, swimming, rock climbing, and hiking were all part of the experience. As I watched the show, I marveled at the various ways these women and men would push themselves to finish the race.

Watching the race was exciting, but what made the show meaningful were the stories the participants would share about why they were competing and what their hope was for the race. Each team had a unique story and purpose for being in the competition. One participant was racing as he was grieving his father’s suicide. Another man was racing with his father who had early stages of Alzheimer’s. Two sisters from India were competing to encourage the girls and young women from their country. A few of the teams were comprised of family members: a father with his two daughters, and another team with a father and his son.

As I watched the show, I often found parallels to the journey of recovery. And from this experience, I was reminded of a few foundational principles.

We can’t do the journey of recovery alone.

We need others who can encourage and challenge us – and through their voices, we are invited and challenged to become the men and women God created us to be. It is on this journey that we stop relying on old strategies and false solutions of coping and avoidance. At one point in the World’s Toughest Race, several teams joined up for a particularly difficult segment, referring to themselves as a caravan. In this experience, several of the team navigators got together to confirm they were indeed going in the right direction. One of the women commented that it was so reassuring to hear the other navigators validate her perception and the direction they were going. We need wise voices in our lives to validate we’re moving in the right direction. One of my favorite images of the church is the Caravan of Faith. Together, in community, we are on this journey moving towards the hope and promise of what God makes possible.

There must be a high level of commitment and determination.

Perseverance is essential. Throughout the race, the teams are significantly challenged by the various stages of the race. Often, they would mention how important it is to stay invested, especially when they were discouraged. It’s our nature to want to retreat when the journey becomes difficult, and yet it’s at that moment we must reinvest and recommit to the race itself. When we are discouraged, we must continue the race of recovery, and hope is one of the things that can keep us invested. Our hope is found in the realization that we are not alone in our pain and because of God’s love and grace there’s a redemptive way forward. Hope is found on days when we acknowledge how painful our reality is in the moment, but we can begin to believe that our days might get better.

Short cuts are rarely helpful.

On several occasions, various teams would try to create a short cut and it rarely went well. The wisdom of recovery reminds us that “half measures availed us nothing.” It makes sense that we are all looking for the bargain transformation, for half the effort and time. We can be like the rich young ruler who turns away from redemption because the cost seems too great. Let us recognize the journey and the process are not the enemy. The journey, though difficult, is a gift. The beauty of God is that His Divine Purpose can use all aspects of our journey and experiences to shape and form us. Many of the racers commented that it was the race itself that resulted in their greatest transformation – not crossing the finish line.

Pain is inevitable.

As I watched the race, I was made aware that if we are going to engage in the race there will be pain. It’s an inevitable part of the experience. Many of the racers experienced a significant injury, and at times it ended their ability to participate in the race. I’m not a big fan of pain. I recently had a tooth pulled and was reminded of that truth. I do not believe there is value in pain for pain’s sake. What I do believe is old pain must be felt to experience new healing. We must be willing to face the pain we’ve been avoiding to be healed. I am often reminded “Blessed are they that mourn for they will be comforted.” At times many of us want comfort without mourning.

There must be a strong motivation.

One of the questions the racers would often ask is “Why am I putting myself through this?” I can own at times I was asking the same question as I watch what the participants endured. The same is true for recovery. When the journey is difficult, we must remind ourselves that our motivation is eternal, relational, and practical. Ultimately, we want to be free; we want to live in truth; we want to experience true intimacy with those we love, and we want to become the men and women God created us to be. Desire is a powerful motivator.

Without a greater vision, we perish.

Many of the racers identified what sustained them was the image of crossing the finish line. In scripture, we read of the same image. The hope that comes from the eternal vision that there will come a day when we will fully realize what God has intended all along. We will be present with our true selves and the Eternal God. I believe that is the vision that sustains us in the world’s most difficult race.

At the end of the series, one of the participants from the winning team was reflecting on his experience. He commented for the person who rarely gets off the couch that running in a 5K would be his/her “world’s toughest race.” And then he extended the challenge and invitation: “Find your World’s Toughest Race.” For me, of all the things I have done, running the race of recovery/transformation and becoming the man that God created me to be has been my world’s toughest race. Let us all together stay the course set before us.

— Faithful & True

Natural Ways to Balance Dopamine in the Brain

Dopamine has been making headlines these days. Check out some of the latest articles on this feel-good neurochemical:

“Can dopamine décor make your home a happier place to be?” (Cosmopolitan)

“‘Dopamine dressing’ is our new post-pandemic salve” (Mic)

“Break the cycle of addiction with these strategies to keep dopamine in check” (NPR)

Why is dopamine top of mind? A growing number of people are aware of dopamine’s influence on pleasure, but this unique neurotransmitter is involved in so much more. For example, it helps with focus and staying on task. Dopamine also supports the brain’s ability to recall life’s significant moments, whether good or bad. Dopamine can be likened to a “chemical of more.” You always want more of it since it is the principal neurotransmitter that makes you feel good. Let’s take a deeper dive into this fascinating neurochemical.

WHAT IS DOPAMINE?

Synthesized in the ventral tegmental area in the brainstem and substantia nigra, dopamine is the neurotransmitter of wanting, especially wanting more. It is involved with anticipation, possibility, love, and seeking success to maximize future resources. Dopamine is released when you expect a reward (food, sex, money, shopping) or when you get an unexpected happy surprise. It is involved with motivation (going toward a reward), memory, mood, and attention.

Think of dopamine as a salesman that drives you to pursue a better life. But like many salesmen, it can also lie to you and promise you pleasure when, in fact, pain will result (such as engaging in drug abuse or affairs).

Dopamine also helps to regulate motor movements, which is why you jump when you get excited, such as when your team wins the World Series, or when your child hits a home run in Little League.

There are 2 main brain dopamine systems that relate to happiness:

• The dopamine reward center in the front half of the nucleus accumbens of the basal ganglia (involved with seeking pleasure and addiction). Think of the dopamine reward system involved with wanting and desire.

• The dopamine control center that enhances the activity of the prefrontal cortex/orbitofrontal cortex and helps you think before you act and stop unhelpful behaviors. The dopamine control center is involved with forward-thinking, judgment, planning, impulse control, and long-term happiness.

Think of these 2 systems as the gas (dopamine reward center) and the brakes (dopamine control center); both are essential to get anywhere special.

CAN DOPAMINE IMBALANCES CAUSE PROBLEMS?

For happiness and a healthy sense of drive, dopamine needs to be balanced. Too much or too little of it causes problems. For example, too much dopamine has been associated with agitation, obsession or compulsions, psychosis, and violence. Of the more than 100 murderers who have had brain SPECT imaging done at Amen Clinics, nearly half of them committed their crimes when they were on methamphetamines, which raises the brain’s dopamine levels.

Too little dopamine can cause depression, low motivation, apathy, fatigue, boredom, Parkinson’s disease, impulsivity, sugar cravings, and thrill-seeking and conflict-seeking behavior. Low dopamine is also thought to be the primary issue in ADD/ADHD (often associated with short attention span, distractibility, disorganization, procrastination, and impulse control issues). Many people with ADD/ADHD play the game of “Let’s have a problem” in an unconscious attempt to stimulate dopamine.

9 WAYS TO BALANCE DOPAMINE NATURALLY

Keeping dopamine balanced is critical to happiness. Here are 10 natural ways to do it.

1. Consume foods high in tyrosine.

An amino acid building block for dopamine, tyrosine can be found in almonds, bananas, avocados, eggs, beans, fish, chicken, and dark chocolate.

2. Try a diet that’s higher in protein and lower in carbohydrates.

In animal studies, ketogenic diets have been shown to increase dopamine availability in the brain. Eating highly processed and sugary foods leads to cravings and overeating, which leave a strong imprint on the pleasure centers in the prefrontal cortex and lead to weight gain. Being overweight can impair dopamine pathways.

3. Make physical exercise a habit.

Physical exercise increases levels of dopamine, while slowing down brain cell aging. Exercise has also been associated with improved mood and a better overall outlook on life.

4. Say “om.”

Hundreds of research studies have demonstrated the overall health benefits of prayer and meditation (or focusing your mind). One study found that dopamine production jumped 65% following a single hour of meditation.

5. Get a rubdown.

Exciting research has demonstrated that massage therapy increases dopamine levels by about 30% while decreasing the stress hormone cortisol.

6. Get adequate sleep.

To ensure that your brain increases dopamine naturally, make sure you get enough sleep. Lack of sleep has been shown to reduce concentrations of neurotransmitters, including dopamine, and their receptors.

7. Listen to calming music.

It is no surprise that listening to calming music can increase pleasurable feelings, improve mood, reduce stress, and help with focus and concentration. Research has demonstrated that much of this occurs because of an increase in dopamine levels.

8. Go outside.

Sunlight exposure increases dopamine in the brain, according to research.

9. Take nutritional supplements.

The herbals ashwagandha, rhodiola, and panax ginseng have been found to increase dopamine levels, promoting improved focus and increased energy while enhancing endurance and stamina. Other supplements that increase dopamine include curcumins, l-theanine, and L-tyrosine, which promote alertness, attention, and focus.

— Amen Clinics

Relationships 101

“If you want to be happy, love them for who they are. If you want to be frustrated, love them for who you hope they’ll become.”  - Steven Bartlett

I have been counseling individuals and couples for over 20 years and I will tell you, one of the most common problems that manifest in our closest relationships (be it romantic, friendship, or family dynamics) is rooted in fantasy. The fantasy — or hope — of who that person is or could be.  A person’s potential, rather than who they are, right now, in this moment. In today’s day and age of photoshop, filters, and the social media “highlights reel”, it’s hard to know what is real and what is fantasy. In the dating world and new relationships especially, I often find my clients (of all ages) attracted to their fantasy projection of who and what that other person is, rather than taking the time to really get to know the authentic human in front of them. Getting to know someone takes many months, even years. There is no such thing as “love at first sight”.  Love – and real, authentic chemistry – takes time to grow and develop.

If you are single and dating, I encourage you to take your time. Many of us, especially if we have been through a painful breakup, tend to want to rush into a new relationship and secure “official relationship status” as soon as possible. We often feel uncomfortable with the “uncommitted” stage of dating, out of fears and insecurities of being alone or abandoned or “not good enough”. However, the uncommitted stage is necessary to build a foundation of emotional safety through consistent words and actions. If you have a tendency toward early attachment in relationships (i.e., wanting to be “official” in the first few weeks of dating), I implore you to look inward and ask yourself – what’s the rush? …  Maybe sit with that discomfort. Are you afraid you won’t be “good enough”? Do you have a scarcity mentality (afraid “all the good ones” are already taken)? Almost every human I work with has similar fears. It is a scary feeling to be emotionally vulnerable with another human, but necessary to build trust and authentic connection. Instead of ruminating about whether they like you “enough” or worrying that there is someone else, try asking yourself – do I really like them? Do I like spending time with them? Do I like how I feel when we are in each other’s company? Are their life values in line with mine? Keep it simple in those early months. Healthy relationships are built on a foundation of mutual respect and alignment of goals and values. And yes, attraction – but real, authentic chemistry and attraction tend to build as you get to know each other.  (Unpopular truth:  instant or intense early chemistry is usually just a red flag of a potential trauma bond – meaning there is something about that individual that reminds you of unresolved trauma from your past.  It may burn hot and bright initially but then tends to fade and you are left with past unresolved trauma you have both been running from – only now compounded with a broken heart and further distrust).

Similar advice goes for my long-term and married couples. Although you already know each other after some years, every human is a work in progress and capable of growth and evolving – however, they have to want to grow and change, and not everyone strives for this. We cannot force anyone to change, we can only identify and practice communication within our own boundaries around what we want and need in our closest relationships. Therapy can be a safe space to help you learn to practice the skills of identifying and articulating what you want and need, as well as setting and upholding healthier relational boundaries.

When it comes to our family members, similar counsel applies: love them for who they are, not the fantasy mother, fantasy father, or fantasy child. I have so many clients currently grieving the parents they needed but never had. Or parents grieving the child they dreamed about, but having a difficult time accepting the real, flawed human child in front of them. The young child with emotional or behavioral issues who needs them, or the grown adult child who still longs to be seen, heard, and validated for who they are – not who the parent fantasized about. These are common dynamics I see nearly every day in my sessions. Practice being intentionally present in the moment with the people who are most important to you. Practice the skill of seeing them, really mindfully listening. Even if years have gone by of hurt, loneliness, and complacency, relationships can be healed. Bridges can be built. People are capable of glorious change. But part of being an emotionally intelligent adult is also learning to release the pains of the past and see the person for who they are today, right now, in the present. And your part in this is taking accountability for your own feelings, wants, needs, and boundaries, and expressing these in a respectful, direct manner. If you never learned how to do this in childhood, you can still learn as an adult. This is part of how (and why) therapy can help.

— Shannan Cason, Psy.D.

Refined in the Fires

Some of the many questions I get when working with individuals who have gone through challenging times in life are, “Why is this happening to me?”, “What did I do wrong to deserve this?” Or, “Why is God punishing me?” Of course, it is natural to think these things. Who hasn’t been through a troubling experience and pondered the very same questions, all while feeling anger, sadness, disappointment, confusion, frustration, and perhaps even chaos? 

The natural inclination is to shrug shoulders and pass it off as “just one of those things we deal with.” That doesn’t lend itself to providing legitimate answers or validating emotional pain. So, we search for meaning.

In his book “Bait of Satan”, John Bevere beautifully tackles this very subject matter, providing an effective metaphor that pairs the technical process of refining gold to the metamorphosis that takes place in people. First, solid gold is pliable, malleable, and shapeable. Only when it is mixed with other metal alloys does it become hard as a rock. To return it to its natural desired consistency so it can be molded to any desired shape, the gold is intensely heated to the point that the impurities begin to float to the surface. The craftsman then carefully removes the unfavorable metals with great intentionality and patience, tossing them to the side because they are no longer needed and get in his way of creating his masterpiece. Once pure, he can then form the gold into any shape he wants. The end result could be a sparkling piece of jewelry, a shiny-plated set of utensils, a glistening sculpture, or perhaps a radiant set of scrollwork on a building. The gold, through extreme stress, moves from one consistency to another oftentimes without anyone even knowing what it went through to do so. It may have appeared to be okay before being exposed to the fire, but after, it became something beyond just okay. The artist transformed it into exceptionally remarkable.

People go through a similar metamorphosis. They could be going through life just fine and then BOOM, just like that, something happens that knocks them down to their very core where they are left feeling broken. It is during these difficult times that strength of character is rebuilt in more powerful and meaningful ways. The old character traits that no longer serve a beneficial purpose get filtered out and replaced by more effective skills, behaviors, or tendencies. It’s often hard to see the “good” through the “bad” while it’s happening. That’s when the deep questioning sets in, and we wander back to the questions asked in the opening of this blog. Naturally, we slide down the slippery slope of self-doubt that erodes our confidence. Thankfully, it is temporary. Only once through the heat, just like the gold, are we able to see our positive transformations. We realize how we’ve grown into better versions of ourselves because we’ve filtered out the characteristics of people that may have been keeping our hearts hard. The intense difficulties filtered out the flaws, making way for the strengths. 

This refining is not by accident. For those who have faith in Christ, these challenging periods, by design, occur to draw us closer to the Father. He heats things up to strengthen our relationship with Him, so He can guide us with love and patience towards what He has envisioned for us. While it’s happening, it sometimes makes no sense and admittedly, it’s easy to lash out with negativity. Yet, by faith, we miraculously dedicate ourselves to staying connected, and, in the end, all is well.

So, the next time you’re questioning why you’ve been put through the fire, try to remember to ride it out. Instead of trying to completely douse the flames, let them unfold around you. Seek counsel from someone you trust to help lower the heat a few degrees so it’s more tolerable and patiently wait for the new and improved you to emerge, shiny as gold. 

— Jill Dagistino

What is Speaking Life? - Part III: Through My Mate's Eyes

In my last blog, I mentioned 5 Clear Communication steps summarized as being quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry. Focusing on the middle step is rare. It kind of dissolves between listening with haste and delaying ire. Most think it’s a nice way of saying put a clamp on it, which it does, but not just verbally but also cognitively. Stop your inner tapes while your partner is sharing, complaining, pleading, or pontificating. 

Most know it is folly to prejudge a matter, and that is what we are doing as we formulate a response before truly understanding their heart: we assume or read nonverbal cues. We focus more on us being right versus them being understood. While they expound we redound in our brains. So, I ask you how can one truly comprehend when there are two voices in our mind?

The concept of Clear Communication mitigates this process by helping the listener truly understand what they are hearing and seeing before they respond. They walk slowly into their perception of what the speaker is actually meaning versus what they are reading into their nonverbal speech (body language, tonality, countenance, movement, etc.). It helps me ask what the other person means and admits my own interpretation and feelings, versus allowing my prejudging theirs. There are 5 basic steps:

1. Give My Objective Observation: what I actually see, hear, smell, or experience: when I saw you walk out; when I heard your voice go up, or when I saw your eyebrows raise, etc.

2. Explain My Interpretation: “I understood that to mean…”, “I interpreted that to mean…”, “I believe you were saying…”, etc.

3. Confirm My Feeling: “And I felt”, “Then I had this emotion”, “And as a result, I experienced”, etc.

4. Explain My Want: “And I would like you to…”, “And my desire is for you to…”, “I would appreciate…”. etc.

5. Invite Them to Respond

I encourage the listener to repeat what they heard, then before explaining anything, own their regret for the other person’s negative experience. Why? Even if I accidentally caused hurt or confusion or frustration, do I care if they are feeling wronged? First express that regret (Note: I am not admitting that is what I just did, just that whatever occurred caused some discord and I desire to rectify it.)

Important to note: Steps 4 and 5 often are left us… a person responds with their feelings and what upsets them but never clarifies what they want or even stops to invite a response. These are significant steps. It will feel awkward but it’s better than arguing ad nauseam!

— Jeff Bercaw, MTF Intern

Back to School: Preparing for Good Sleep

With the beginning of school quickly approaching, it’s almost time to say goodbye to the relaxed schedules (and late nights!) of summertime. Creating a good school routine takes preparation and establishing good sleep schedules with parents' support is key in helping your children perform at their best. When kids don’t get enough sleep they can often be irritable, easily frustrated or hyper, and have behavior problems. They may also have trouble learning and paying attention in school. 

The National Sleep Foundation recommends the following guidelines for the amount of sleep needed.

• Preschoolers (ages 3-5) require 10-13 hours

• School-age children (ages 6-13) require 9-11 hours of sleep

• Teenagers (ages 14-17) require 8-10 hours of sleep

Tips to Help Your Child Sleep

• Begin adjusting from summer to school routine the week prior to school starting. Adjust bedtimes in 15-minute increments. For example, have your child wake up 15 minutes earlier and go to bed 15 minutes earlier. Gradually adjust every few days until you’ve reached your desired sleep and wake goals.

• Set regular wake and sleep times.

• Turn off the screens at least an hour before bedtime and keep cell phones and computers out of the bedroom.

• Create a wind-down time: read together, listen to music, reflect on your day, etc.

• Avoid caffeine (soda, chocolate, tea) in the late afternoon or evening. 

• Limit napping in adolescents.

• Make sure children get enough exercise during the day.

• Create an optimal sleep environment: keep bedrooms dark, cool and quiet.

• Keep to a sleep schedule- even on weekends. Aim for sleep-wake and bedtimes to be no more than an hour different than the weekday routine

— Laura Super/ Certified Life Coach

What is Speaking Life? - Part II

In my last blog, I suggested we ought to speak life into our spouses and delineated the why and when this is best done. Today I want to tackle the most recondite concept to understand in speaking life and that is the way or means in order to edify the other person. What method promotes growth?

The fact is we come from homes with diverse communication styles that build different filters in us that define visual, kinesthetic (motion), or even auditory stimuli subjectively. One person’s sigh of boredom is received as displeasure in my recent talk when in fact, they were not listening, to begin with. And we are off to a silly argument (well, you didn’t really ASK me to listen). This miscommunication can block speaking life and may have the opposite effect. 

So edifying communication style can be summarized as such: “be quick to listen, slow to speak, slow to become angry” “a kind word turns away wrath”, and “let no unwholesome word come out of your mouth except that which is edifying for the other person”. WOW! A tall order, no doubt. What helps is for me to be conscious if I desire their honor or their sense of being cared for. 

I want to think in my mind that I am speaking with a person with a gentle or fragile heart, with honor (NOT PITY). I want to temper my volume (they are not deaf), sweeten my ardor, extend my patience, and open up my mind (think in their model of the world, not just mine). What do they hear in how I speak? Not what am I going to do to make them hear it in a different way (a rather arrogant attitude many of us apply)? I need to ask things like how am I coming across or how do you feel when I am speaking with you, or how are we doing. 

An effective method is Clear Communication Style. In a nutshell, I remove the demand that they read my mind, and I own that how I receive what they say is my choice or interpretation, not my mystical knowledge of their intent. I effectively want to know their model of the world of our talk, not demand they take on mine. There are five teachable steps, but alas, again, the dear reader, we are at the end of my blog space until we meet again (sort of). Adieu!

— Jeff Bercaw, MTF Intern

What is Speaking Life? - Part I

Recently I heard a friend of mine, Dr. Heather Clark, teach a great concept in a Sunday School class. She challenged us to “speak life into our spouses.” It struck me how simple yet profound this concept is and frankly how rare it is to describe the speech as life-giving.  It is a true idea if we also understand that communication is much bigger than a word’s meaning. It encompasses how the word is spoken (non-verbal) when the word is spoken (timing of circumstances), and why it is spoken (for what purpose or end). 

Let’s start with that last one: the purpose. The ancient encouragement is for us to “speak the truth in love”.  So, when I speak, it should be to convey love (even when we don’t agree). If my intent is to abjure or denigrate or correct, I need to re-think why I am speaking into her life if I want her to receive my words.

One way to address this purpose is to be sapient about the timing. If I want to be heard and understood, my heart must want her to be in a receptive space. I will choose a time that she is not distracted or under pressure. I do not want to force the discussion. A way to see this is if I find myself demanding or pushing rather than inviting or allowing the discussion to open up. If I am trying to pull something out of her, then I am forcing the discussion and it is not a wise time to engage. It is similar to poor purchase techniques. If I find myself thinking we can only talk about this now (much like I have to buy this now versus later), then I am likely forcing the issue and not honoring her circumstances.

Of the three aforementioned parameters, the most recondite to understand is speaking life in a way or means that promotes growth and actually edifies the other person. The question is: am I speaking in an honoring way to them? Or will I come across to THEM as callous, condescending, or odious? So, the idea is to affect my communication style in a way that honors THEM versus satisfies ME. Sadly, I do not have blog room to elucidate how to flesh out these ideas, so you will need to catch my next blog. Until then!

— Jeff Bercaw, MFT, Intern 

Can You Resolve Relationship Conflicts Without Inflicting Emotional Pain?

Are you and your spouse going in circles over the same conflicts? Are you losing hope that you will ever achieve harmony in your relationship again? Have you tried couples’ therapy or are you concerned that it may cause even greater emotional pain while you and your partner unleash your deepest feelings, regrets, and grudges?

Although we all have differences, experts say that relationships tend to work when two people remain emotionally responsive to each other. Marital therapy walks the delicate line of exploring hurts without creating too many new emotional casualties in an effort to repair, heal, and strengthen that emotional connection between two people. But it doesn’t always work.

What if your seemingly hopeless marital struggles are due, in part, to brain dysfunction? Since therapists and counselors typically don’t look at the brain, it’s impossible to know with talk therapy alone. Yet there are a number of brain health issues that can and do make relationships challenging to navigate when they are unaddressed. Some of the most destructive ones to relationships include:

• Anxiety

• Depression

• ADD/ADHD

• Head trauma

• Obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

• Past trauma

• Physical issues that affect mental health (such as Lyme disease, toxic mold, or COVID-19)

If you are at a stalemate in couples counseling with your spouse, it may be worth exploring if one or both of you have any underlying brain health issues at play in your relationship. One of the most accurate ways to find out is to get a brain scan.

Spect Imaging Reveals Brain Dysfunction

Looking at the brain can reveal biological factors that may influence a couple’s ability to get the most out of relationship therapy. One of the best ways to see how the brain is functioning is an advanced brain imaging technology called SPECT (single-photon emission computed tomography), which measures blood flow and activity in the brain. It reveals areas with healthy or abnormal blood flow as well as regions with healthy activity, too much activity, or too little activity. These brain health factors may play a hidden role in your marital conflicts. Addressing any brain disorder can help relationships improve dramatically.

Based on the Amen Clinics database of over 200,000 brain scans, our experts have recognized a connection between abnormal activity levels in certain areas of the brain and common brain health issues that negatively impact relationships. Diagnosing the brain issue and addressing it with targeted lifestyle habits can sometimes fix what even couples counseling cannot. The examples below demonstrate the impact of two highly prevalent brain health issues – anxiety and depression – and the areas of the brain associated with causing them.

Anxiety and the Basal Ganglia

Your brain’s basal ganglia are involved with integrating feelings, thoughts, and movement. When the basal ganglia are overactive, there is a tendency toward anxiety, panic, fear, and tension. This can result in decreased sexual interest due to tension in the body, and a lack of physical or emotional energy. Fear and anxiety infiltrate memories. A person with basal ganglia issues may try to avoid conflict and have people-pleasing tendencies, which leads to resentment. They can exhaust their partners with their incessant fears. Partners may feel the person with anxiety is “uptight” or always projects “doom and gloom.”

However, there are ways to calm the basal ganglia, which helps to reduce anxiety. Hypnosis, meditation, relaxation training, and taking GABA in supplement form can provide the calming influence the basal ganglia need. When the basal ganglia are functioning optimally, people tend to be calmer, more relaxed, and have a more hopeful outlook. Their bodies tend to feel good, making them freer to express their sexuality. And they’re more able to deal with conflict in an effective way and speak up for themselves so they are more of an equal partner in a relationship. Addressing the underlying issue of anxiety can provide the extra support your marriage may need.

Depression and Deep Limbic System Problems 

The limbic system plays a role in setting a person’s emotional tone. When it has too much activity, an individual may have depressive symptoms, a darker outlook, and seek to distance themselves from others. A depressed person often struggles to bond with their partner and can be very quick to point out flaws, which heightens tensions. They tend not to be playful and have little interest in sex. Their low energy and lack of motivation can burden the relationship. Their partners may be bothered by their isolating tendencies and may object to their negative outlook. They find it hard to be around their depressed partner.

Yet, there are ways to soothe an overactive limbic system, including a number of effective lifestyle changes such as physical exercise, aromatherapy, and supplements like saffron that support healthy moods. When an individual’s limbic system is healthy and functioning properly, they tend to be more positive and better able to connect to their partner. They’re more likely to have bright energy and are more playful and interested in sex. Their positive attitude makes them more attractive to others. When the underlying issue of depression and an overactive limbic system is addressed, it really supports a healthy emotional connection in the marriage.

These are just a couple of examples of how correcting brain dysfunction can benefit your relationship. There are many others.

Bring Brain Health Into Marriage

As you can see, scanning your brain, and addressing potential brain health issues can resolve some factors at play in your marital conflict that traditional therapy misses—and without causing additional emotional casualty. In fact, seeing biological evidence of brain health issues can increase forgiveness and helps partners see their loved ones’ issues as medical rather than a character flaw. This can be so helpful in the relationship healing process.

— Amen Clinics

Anxiety Can Be a Blessing

Most of us see anxiety as something unpleasant, that must be shoved aside, is not allowed, and certainly not helpful. It gets in the way of having a calm, peaceful life. It wreaks havoc on our schedules, not to mention our relationships. In some cases, anxiety makes us think we are unworthy of joy. It can rob us of hope, leading us down a dark path. 

The possibility exists, however, that we can reframe anxiety and see it in a whole new light. Our body creates anxiety to get us to hit the pause button, pull out the magnifying glass, and zoom in to see what our bodies are trying to tell us. Specifically, what needs addressing? What needs confronting? What needs are we neglecting? Our lives would benefit from naming it so we can begin taming it.

When I’m driving in my car and my tire pressure gauge signal lights up on my dash, my first inclination is to groan and moan, probably making a comment like “Great, just what I need right now!” True. It is an unwelcome inconvenience. With that being said, the alert warns me to fill my tire in order to stay safe. I could decide to ignore it and keep driving. That option may expose me to a potentially dangerous situation like a blowout, damage to my rim, loss of maneuverability, or even an accident. The ripple effect of such possibilities trickles into affecting everyone around me, especially if I get hurt or worse. The alternative is to take the time to stop, heed the warning and fill the tire. Maybe I would benefit from seeing the warning light as helpful.

Almost everyone deals with some type of anxiety — even Jesus. When Jesus was on the Mount of Olives with the disciples, he pulled himself away to pray to God three separate times, uttering the words, “Father, if you are willing, remove this cup from me. Nevertheless, not my will, but yours be done. (Luke 22:42) Scripture describes him as “being in agony” about his impending crucifixion to the point that he was actually sweating drops of blood (a rare medical condition called hematidrosis), and example of the highest form of anxiety possible. He, being human, related to our fear and anxiety. And, he did what we do. We pray for relief and reach out to our loved ones and friends for help and to voice our innermost feelings. Matthew 26:37 tells us that he went to Peter, James, and John in great distress and trouble to confess, “My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with me.” Clearly, he was upset and didn’t want to be alone. We know how his story ends. 

Could we, therefore, look at our anxiety as a blessing, something to be thankful for? It’s a warning that allows us to begin discerning how to identify what changes to make in our lives.  We can use the anxiety to unveil past wounds and highlight the pain that would benefit from being healed. This process is not exactly welcome, just like the tire pressure warning light, but it does perhaps give us the opportunity to save ourselves from additional heartache and pave the way to more positive feelings and emotions.

So, try not to see anxiety as simply 100% negative. The emotions associated with it ultimately raise awareness and give us the wisdom to make the appropriate change. Instead of shoving body sensations and thoughts aside, move into them and pay attention. Instead of crying out in prayer for God to “fix it”, ask what it is God’s trying to teach. And finally, reframe the negative connotations, seeing them as helpful. It may just help strengthen enough to move through and out of discomfort. 

— Jill Dagistino, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern (Level 2 DBT trained)

How to Cope When Life Seems Out of Your Control

Feel like you’re losing your grip? In today’s information-overload world, it’s easy for problems to seemingly pile up even before we attempt to address the personal issues that are also clamoring for our limited attention. A worldwide pandemic, political divides, and social unrest can all contribute to feelings of being out of control in life, while individual stresses may also combine to set us off. Coping with a personal illness or the illness of a loved one, drowning under too much work or getting laid off, dealing with adult children or aging parents, or struggling with marital conflict can all make us feel overwhelmed.

Fortunately, there are plenty of healthy coping strategies to help regain a sense of control and provide a dose of equanimity in the face of our most common stressors. Implement these 4 techniques to create a more positive, less-stressed state of mind, even when life feels like it’s going off the rails.

4 Ways to Regain a Sense of Control

1. Focus on what you can control.

Erratic world leaders, mutating viruses, rising gas prices—there are plenty of outside forces you simply cannot control in life. So, instead, focus on what you can control. For example, shore up your immune system to ward off illness or commit to walking or taking public transportation to work (if possible) a few days a week to offset gas expenditures. The other primary thing that is 100% in your control is your reaction to everything going on out there.

To help regulate your stress response, first eliminate any bad habits you may have (such as chronic drinking, smoking, drug use, or poor diet or sleep), as they may be sneakily sabotaging your overall well-being. Pick up positive brain health habits and tune out the noise when necessary—which may mean switching off the 24-7 news channel, halting the endless doomscrolling, or spending (technology-free) time in nature. Being more mindful about what information you allow in your life will help you focus on what’s most important in your immediate orbit.

2. Seek professional help.

When stresses threaten to overwhelm you, ignoring the problem can lead to an array of negative, even debilitating, consequences such as anxiety, depression, trouble sleeping, or turning to mood-altering addictive substances for relief. Instead of trying to tackle the problem single-handedly, it might be a good idea to seek a psychiatric evaluation, which can point you toward therapy modalities that can help. For example, approaches such as cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) or hypnotherapy can help mitigate the effects of chronic stress. The American Psychological Association reports that therapy, though often underutilized among the general population, is effective to help treat a variety of mental and behavioral health issues, and it works across a spectrum of population groups.

3. Practice self-care.

This step will manifest differently for different people—to some, soaking in a bubble bath or hitting a health spa helps ease their worries, while others find that giving back to others is the key to making themselves feel like a million bucks over the long haul. Over time, you’ll learn which strategies are most effective at helping you quell the signs of stress, from the calm-inducing benefits of breathing and meditation to invigorating and distracting physical activity, which has been shown to reduce depression and stress. (Bonus: Building a toolbox of possible strategies that can help will allow you to mix and match in the moments you need them most.)

Additionally, other less-expected methods of self-care, such as setting boundaries with others or knowing when to say no, can be just as important as setting time aside for personal health efforts or solitude. When you holistically care for your body—physically, mentally, and emotionally—you’ll be better equipped to handle whatever stressors come your way.

4. Reframe your thinking.

Keeping up with current events can often be stressful, but when you look at them with a bit of perspective, even a worldwide pandemic can offer up a slew of silver linings. Or, if it’s a personal problem that’s nagging you, take a step back from the situation and analyze it from different angles. Sometimes all you need is a bit of distance between you and your thoughts, understanding that you don’t need to remain a victim to the running internal commentary interrupting your everyday life. Other times, it’s helpful to face your emotions head-on, in order to kill those automatic negative thoughts (ANTs) that crop up to destroy your serenity.

Whatever situation is causing you stress, try to evaluate what it may be teaching you or what unresolved issue it may be calling your attention to, or explore the ways in which it may turn out to be a blessing in disguise. Often, our issues are rooted in our limited view of the world, so getting outside of yourself for a moment can help put things in the proper perspective. In a few days’ time, you might even find that a mountainous problem has naturally shrunken to a molehill.

— Amen Clinics

Having Your Needs Met

Never Being a Burden Can Look Like:

• Isolating when you are struggling

• Ensuring that your choices don’t upset others

• A belief that people eventually drop you if you’re not being positive

• Working hard to show you “have it all together”

• Apologizing for having to meet your basic needs

• Only sharing your pain through dark humor and only on ‘good days’

These are examples of the trauma response known as “fawn” (or chronic people-pleasing), where we betray ourselves and our own needs to avoid conflict or to avoid being seen as “needy.” Guess what? All humans have legitimate needs — emotional, physical, and spiritual — and you have every right to ask for those needs to be met. That does not make you a burden. That does not make you “too needy.” Not only that but having your needs consistently go unmet can have a lot of long-term health consequences, including deep resentment and anger issues and/or anxiety and depression. Speak up. Practice identifying and verbalizing your needs — no, you will not get them met 100% of the time, but you will learn to feel more confident in your relationships. Anyone who calls you a “burden,” “needy,” or “high maintenance” is just not your person. It doesn’t make them a bad person; it just is not an aligned relationship, for many possible reasons. There are other humans more than willing to better meet your needs.

— Shannan Cason, Psy.D.

Coping Thoughts

According to Psychology Today, on March 2, 2022, the World Health Organization announced, “In the first year of the COVID-19 pandemic, the global prevalence of anxiety and depression increased by a massive 25%. 

Anxiety igniting thoughts is part of daily life for many. It is important to learn how to challenge negative thoughts with coping thoughts. Here are some examples to illustrate how one can react to thoughts that ignite anxiety and replace them with coping thoughts:

— Tracy Lewis, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Perspective

An effective tool for changing your thinking and the emotions linked to the anxious thoughts we have is to refocus your thoughts on where you are going!

Place your hand in front of your eyes.  All that you can see is your palm and that appears to be the only thing in front of you. If you lean back, or lower your hand, then you can see past your hand and realize that there is more in front of you than your palm. You can see the room or out of the window.

In art, there is an effective technique used for creating perspective, which is called finding your horizon. When drawing or painting a landscape, the artist determines the position of the horizon — where the sky meets the earth in the landscape. 

This intersection establishes the perspective of the picture. We can utilize this same principle in training our brain to let go of bad thinking: find your horizon. 

Rather than focusing on the immediate, look at your future, focus on your outcome, find your horizon. 

Jesus gives us an insight into His own personal coping mechanism. He demonstrated that he also was able to endure his present circumstance by finding his horizon.

“…And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us. We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame…” Hebrews 12:1-2 NLT

Jesus raised His eyes from the immediate surrendering of His will in Gethsemane, the betrayal of Judas, the mocking trials in Pilate’s and Herod’s courts, the rejection of the population (“Give us Barabbas!”), the beating, the carrying of his cross, and being crucified between two thieves. THE JOY LURKING ON THE HORIZON was that you and I could be saved.

Finding your horizon causes everything else to fall into perspective.

— Tracy Lewis, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

Party Glasses

Imagine yourself with 2022 glasses. Special events and holidays can include party glasses that go with the celebration. Just head down to any store that sells party supplies and you can be set for the year. While we do not wear party glasses on a day-to-day basis, we do have very specific ways in which we view the world. Just ask people how they view political, spiritual, or societal to highlight how differently we see things. Our own personal paradigm or schema, which is unique and personal to every person, can be the reason everyone seems to view or interpret an event differently. It truly is amazing how many points of view can be represented. 

In counseling, a very helpful tool can be to help clients better understand the lens through which they view life events and interpret certain situations. Some of these lenses through which we see the world have been developed throughout our childhood, and others we learn as we are adults. Understanding how you view or interpret life can benefit your ability to make different choices instead of feeling stuck by only seeing your circumstance through a particular viewpoint. It is not wrong to have a specific viewpoint or lens through which we view the world; however, being able to recognize our perspective can assist in having discussions and not arguments. 

One of the assessments I give to prospective clients is called the Young Schema Questionnaire, and it helps identify any maladaptive schemas or lenses, through which they interpret their life. Many of us are not consciously aware of how we interpret daily interactions and life events, thus eliminating our ability to make different choices or view the situation from a different perspective. Even if we have very set views, we can still learn to identify our default lens and start making different choices. However, it needs to be intentional.  

If you have children, you are helping them to navigate through their day-to-day and thus helping them develop a way of viewing themselves and others around them.  What a tremendous privilege and responsibility.  Here are some questions to help us better understand our personal lens. Here are some questions to help increase your understanding of your personal ‘party glasses’. 

• How would I describe my family of origin and their lens or way of viewing the world?

• Do I view things just like my mom? Dad? Brother? Sister? Etc.

• Do people describe me as optimistic, pessimistic, skeptical, sarcastic, gullible, etc.?

• How did I come to have my point of view?

• Are my assumptions about something ever wrong?

• What am I trying to teach/show/mentor to my children?

— Tracy Paulino, LMHC, MCAP, ICRC

Anxiety

The word “anxiety” has become commonplace in our everyday vernacular. Anxiety is an emotion characterized by feelings of tension, worried thoughts, and physical changes like increased blood pressure, increased heart rate, restlessness, etc.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illness in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults in the United States, age 18 and older, or 18.1% of the population, every year. Anxiety disorders are highly treatable, yet only 36.9% of those suffering receive treatment.

At Spanish River Counseling Center, we see clients who are under tremendous stress from financial, physical, and/or relational situations. Stress is a response to a threatening situation. Anxiety is a reaction to stress.

Anxiety can induce negative thoughts; therefore, it is helpful to learn how to challenge these negative thoughts. Here are ten questions to challenge negative, anxious thoughts:

1. Am I mistaking a thought for a fact?

2. Am I jumping to conclusions?

3. Is there any evidence that disproves my thoughts?

4. Are there any facts I’m ignoring/or have overlooked?

5. Can I see any other way of viewing this?

6. If my friend were having this thought, what would I tell him/her?

7. If he/she knew I was having this thought, what might he/she say to me?

8. If I look back at this in five years, but I see it differently?

9. Have I had any experiences that show that this thought isn’t always true?

10. Am I ignoring any strengths that I have or any positives to the situation?

— Tracy Lewis, Registered Mental Health Counselor Intern

7 Differences Between Male and Female Brains

When actor Daniel Sharman (Teen Wolf, The Originals, Medici: The Magnificent) and music producer Christian “Leggy” Langdon visited Dr. Daniel Amen as part of the Scan My Brain series, they had a lot of questions. They wanted to find out what brain scans could reveal about Sharman’s feelings of depression and Langdon’s anxiety. The co-hosts of The 2 Lads Podcast, which explores what it means today to be men, had one other burning question for Dr. Amen: “Do you see a difference between the female brain and the male brain.”

The short answer is YES.

In one of the largest functional brain imaging studies ever, Amen Clinics compared the brain SPECT scans of 46,034 female and male brains. SPECT is a brain imaging technology that looks at blood flow and activity patterns. This study, which appeared in the Journal of Alzheimer’s Disease, revealed fascinating differences between the female and male brains.

Here are 7 of the most important gender-based brain differences you need to know.

A word of caution: Overall, there are significant brain differences between the sexes that can be measured in a laboratory, seen on a brain scan, and observed in our everyday lives. However, not all women are the same, nor are all men the same. And there is still much research to be done to gain a better understanding of the brains of nonbinary and transgender individuals. What is clear is that even when we succeed at the same task, we may call on different strengths and areas of the brain to do it.

7 UNIQUE TRAITS OF FEMALE AND MALE BRAINS

1. Female brains are busier.

For the 2017 brain imaging study at Amen Clinics, the team analyzed 80 areas of the brain. In 70 of those regions, female brains showed significantly more activity than male brains. Overall, women have much busier brains compared with men. In problem-solving, women tend to harness several areas of the brain while men rely on a more localized effort.

2. The prefrontal cortex is “sleepier” in men.

According to the study findings, men tend to have less activity in the PFC compared with women. The PFC is involved with planning, judgment, empathy, and impulse control. This can make men more likely to take risks, which can then make them more vulnerable to head injuries that can further decrease activity in this brain area. Hearing about the differences in the PFC activity prompted record producer Langdon to say, “We’re kind of almost fighting different battles as men and women in the world. We’ve got a different set of cards that we’re starting from.”

3. The brain’s emotional centers are more active in women.

In the Amen Clinics study, female brains showed higher activity levels in the limbic system or emotional system. Situated beneath the cortex, this part of the brain colors our emotions and is involved with bonding, nesting, and emotions. This may explain why women are the primary caretakers of children and the elderly. Upon learning about the limbic brain differences in the Scan My Brain episode, Langdon says, “So it’s almost like as men, we have to work a bit harder to get access to some of those things that come a bit more naturally to women and probably vice versa.” Higher activity here is also associated with an increased risk of depression and anxiety.

4. The anterior cingulate gyrus works harder in women.

Within the brain’s frontal lobes is an area called the ACG. Known as the brain’s gear shifter, it helps you shift attention and recognize errors. Higher activity in the ACG increases the tendency to get stuck on negative thoughts or negative behaviors and to see what is wrong rather than what is right. It is also one of the brain’s worry centers. More activity here translates into more worries. Of course, this doesn’t mean that men don’t worry or see problems. But men and women tend to worry differently.

5. Visual and coordination centers work harder in men.

These areas of the brain are more active in men and may explain why men tend to be more adept at judging distances and making a beeline to where they parked the car.

6. Women’s intuition is real.

Other brain imaging research reveals that females have larger areas in the brain dedicated to tracking gut feelings, specifically areas deep in the frontal lobes called the insula and ACG. The female brain is generally quicker at assessing the thoughts of others based on limited information, gut feelings, and hunches.

7. Serotonin systems work differently in men and women.

Production of the neurotransmitter serotonin is 52% higher in men than in women, according to a foundational brain imaging study in PNAS. A calming neurotransmitter, serotonin plays a role in mood, sleep, pain, and other issues. At Amen Clinics, low serotonin levels are often seen in people with depression, anxiety, pain syndromes, and obsessive worrying.

Learning more about how the male brain differs from the female brain led to a revelation for actor Sharman. “There are certain things that we’re going to have to work harder at as men, and that’s okay,” Sharman says in the Scan My Brain episode.

Understanding the strengths and challenges of your own brain is one of the most important keys to success. Optimizing your unique brain can help you reach your goals in every area of your life.

— Amen Clinics

Psychological Theories

Psychological theories are systems of ideas that can explain certain aspects of human thoughts, behaviors, and emotions. Psychology researchers create these theories to make predictions for future human behaviors or events that may take place if certain behaviors exist.

Below, are a few psychological theories that can help explain human behavior.

1. Positive psychology is the study of human flourishing. It focuses on the positive and improving ourselves. However, how can we move forward until we understand the mistakes that we've made? That requires looking at the negative aspects of our life as well.  Focus on a person’s strengths and virtues (Martin, 2007).  “Treatment is not just fixing what is wrong, it is building what is right” (Seligman, 2002).

2. Negative psychology focuses on the nonfunctional. It is important to understand what we are doing and why it is not acceptable in society. To focus solely on negative aspects though, would lead to hopelessness. Therefore, you may also incorporate positivity to create hope for a better future. Treating people who are leaning toward a dysfunctional way of life, needing treatment of counseling and or medications in hopes of functioning normally (TED, 2008).

3. Christian psychology incorporates the Bible as a guide and on how to deal with life. It can and should incorporate all other aspects of psychology for the betterment of life. Since this type of psychology is centered around the Bible, this is where you would incorporate fruits of the spirit. A merging of theology and psychology. A belief going back centuries, believing that God revealed the most important truths about human beings in the Bible in created order using this worldview (Johnson, 2010, p. 11). This Spiritual experience is an impactful source of inspiration and strength to produce a change in people (Johnson, 2010).

4. Transformational psychology focuses on life-changing techniques and strategies. This type of psychology could go hand in hand with positive and Christian psychology. Gives insight into the emotional and mental integration of experiences and provides tools to live by the Bible’s direction (Biola CCT, 2014). Focuses on changing negative and reinforcing good to live by.  Focus on others to find personal growth and joy (Colorado Christian University, 2022). Provides a growth mindset to overcome adversity (Bates, 2016).

 — Dr. Norma Shearin, PhD, LMHC

References

Bates, P. (2016). Growth mindset. Access (10300155), 30(4), 28-31. Retrieved from https://search-ebscohost-com.ezproxy.ccu.edu/login.aspx?direct=true&db=lih&AN=119655980&site=eds-live

 Biola CCT. (2014, April 15). Can psychology be Christian? [CCT conversations // Eric Johnson  & Siang-Yang tan] [Video]. YouTube. https://youtu.be/bHFW_tOkaA4

Colorado Christian University. (2022). [Session 1 Biblical Perspective] School of Behavior and Social Sciences, Colorado Christian University. PSY360A

Johnson, E. L. (2010) Psychology & Christianity: Five views (2nd ed.). InterVarsity Press.

Martin, M. W. (2007). Happiness and Virtue in Positive Psychology. Journal for the Theory of Social Behaviour, 37(1), 89-103.

TED. (2008, July 21). The new era of positive psychology | Martin Seligman [Video]. https://youtu.be/9FBxfd7DL3E